actual snip!

[kleenexwoman]

Lately, I've been trying to work on original stories as well as my fanfiction. This has proved to be difficult, as I've only had one feasible idea for an original short story in the past semester. Most of my creative energy is going towards fanfic. While this is good for my fanfic, it's probably not the optimal condition for someone who really wants to be published.
The idea I've had is, of course, "From the Gods." The concept is simple: A middle-aged man, probably an ex-hippie, believes his teenage son to be an alien. The problem here is that I only have the concept, and no plot or story map. I've had the ENTIRE SEMESTER to work on this. I've even gotten a deadline from the Fiction Collective for a rough draft, and I still didn't make it.


The change, when it came, was both subtle and sudden. He had been prepared for the obvious little things, empty rebellious gestures that had made so much sense (indeed, that he had almost been compelled to perform) when he was That Age. Door-slamming, glowering looks, spontaneous declarations of disgust for the obsolete beings that were his parents. Unsuitable friends displayed like trophies during dinner or in the small hours of the morning, invaders timidly tolerated by the confused and frightened adults he so despised.
He had been so certain then that the changes within his whirling mind and aching body mirrored the violent metamorphosis taking place in society, a perfect microcosm of the upheaval that characterized every aspect of waking life. External forces, a cultural maelstrom transforming everything it touched into an agent of its own propagation. It would have been presumptuous to think that the meek and dutiful adolescent he had been before was in any way a catalyst that was the province of the defiant superhuman rebels he strove to emulate. He was but one tiny cell of the nebulous revolution, a grateful and devoted agent of change, a mundane middle-class animal exalting in the freedom he had believed to be conferred upon him by the spirit of the times.


When I brought it in to Fic Collective, the first suggestion was that I just start writing from inside the character's head. It doesn't seem to have worked within the context of the story so far; I don't know how to get from "old hippie reminisces" to "son is alien" (and I don't even know if it actually sounds like an old hippie or not), and the wording seems waaaaaay too pretentious to be actually coming from inside the character's head. I thought I might use scene cuts to get to action and dialogue, but I really have no idea as to how I'm going to construct the story, whether I'm going to be able to keep the elevated tone up throughout the story, or whether such an elevated tone is really necessary. And I'm still really waffling about the character of the father.
(Thanks to diraskyria for insights)

Should I scrap it and start over, or try to keep going?
Wordsmiths, I ask for suggestions.

Comments

[mgrasso.livejournal.com]

I like it! There's a reason why an author sometimes takes a bit of distance in narrative away from the protagonist/antagonist like this. Something like this, which is essentially about a petulant adolescent, gains quite a bit when talked about so clinically, because, really, we've all been there. You know? It makes it more interesting... more alien, not to pun on your story idea.

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

Hmm, yes. Narrative distance does seem to be the consensus. Thank you...

I like it...

[wolf-heart9.livejournal.com]

...but is the son really the alien that his father thinks he is? What causes his father to think he's an alien? Hell, I think most parents wind up thinking their children are some sort of species other than human till the grow up and get out of the house and become parents themselves. It's the only time that a parent recognizes any similiarites because most often, a parent wants to forget their own alien-like behavior.

Re: I like it...

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

I don't think the son is actually an alien, but I'm trying to keep that as ambiguous as possible. It's mostly going to be the difference between the father's own (to himself) recognizable rebellion and the strange way the son is acting. That's supposed to be my next paragraph but I can't get the damn words right.

Re: I like it...

[wolf-heart9.livejournal.com]

Oh I hate it when that happens. When the right words won't come out. That drives me crazy...you've got the idea clear in your head, but it won't work.

[vicfitz82.livejournal.com]

I think if you want to keep some distance between the narrator and the character, then these two paragraphs are fine. To me, it's a break from the intimacy people expect all the time from their authors. Sometimes this is good, sometimes it isn't. But in this case, it seems to work, although I had to read it four or five times before I wrote this, which may mean I made it work in my own head.

But, I'm assuming your characters don't talk or think like that. I think having distance between the narrator and the characters is fine in some parts of a composition. People need to know details, but they don't need to know everything all the time. And I think by describing the way this adolescent feels a step removed from him would help the storytelling. But a whole story written like that might not be very interesting to me.

You still have room to include the thoughts of the father, and it might be kind of fun to use that at some point. But I don't exactly feel the narration has to be from within this character's head. In this section, you "tell," in another section, maybe you'll "show."

As for the rest of the story, you'll have to show me when you get it all down.

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

I am waffling between coming from inside the father's head and omniescent third person. Like I said, I thought I might just use scene breaks between pure narration and action/dialogue/thoughts, but that would probably make it unwieldy...

Will definitely show you when I am done. Thank you for your input, this is helping quite a lot.