I like it! There's a reason why an author sometimes takes a bit of distance in narrative away from the protagonist/antagonist like this. Something like this, which is essentially about a petulant adolescent, gains quite a bit when talked about so clinically, because, really, we've all been there. You know? It makes it more interesting... more alien, not to pun on your story idea.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-15 06:26 pm (UTC)