I'll sleep when I'm dead.

[kleenexwoman]

I hate, hate, hate not being able to sleep on a normal schedule. I couldn't even when I was a kid. I would stay up late and play with my Barbies or read by my nightlight or just lie under the covers and tell myself stories for hours on end. I invented dramatic narratives, sadistic fantasies, and alien worlds just to pass the time while I waited for my brain to shut down enough so that I could drift off. (I did go through a period where I woke up at 5 in the morning, but that didn't last very long.)

When I got older, my mom and dad started to tease and nag me because, left to my own devices, I would stay up until 5 or 6 in the morning and sleep until 1 or 2 in the afternoon. It wasn't that I was trying to catch some sleep on a schedule I could handle, they decided, I was just lazy. "Don't you feel like you're wasting the day if you don't get up early?" my mom asked me once. I told her that from my point of view, she was wasting the night.

Every night, I try to get myself to sleep at a decent time. And every night, I either happily stay up until I don't realize that the sun is rising, or I toss and turn and fret in a darkened, silent room for hours. The only thing that will make me sleep is a huge dose of melatonin, but it makes me incredibly groggy when I wake up and I'm hesitant to add that difficulty to my day. The only other thing I can think of is to go to a psychiatrist and get a prescription for sleeping pills, but I don't even know that those will work on a regular basis; other people with Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome (what I most likely have) have said that even those don't work for them.

Unless I move to New York City or to another time zone entirely, I am probably doomed. It makes my family think I'm lazy, makes it impossible to take early classes, and might make it impossible to hold down a 9-to-5 job. The only thing it's good for is helping me stay up to talk and collaborate with people who live exactly halfway across the world and letting me catch the very late and very early shows on cable channels.

Comments

What sleep?

[serenaar.livejournal.com]

Hey.

I feel sympathy with you, since I have pretty much the same thing at the moment. I think I'm about 3 hours out of whack, because I can't sleep until about 3am and then I won't wake up until about 11:30 or midday. Today is the exception because my parents woke me up, and now I have a horrible headache and feel lousy.

Unless I move to New York City or to another time zone entirely, I am probably doomed. It makes my family think I'm lazy
Same here, and my Mum said the same thing to me about wasting the day. I just smiled politely and decided not to respond. If I move to America I think I'll almost be on time LOL.

Re: What sleep?

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

one of the ideas i liked in a cory doctorow book i read the summary of was the separation of people into clans divided by time zone. not geographically, but just depending on what time their bodies adapted to. i think the world should do that.

There's actually...

[wolf-heart9.livejournal.com]

...been a study done that most people these days don't sleep nearly as well or on schedule as they should. We're all so busy and stressed that few people can pass out to sleep the moment their heads hit the pillows. Not trying to belittle what you're going through. Quite the opposite. Your parents shouldn't think you're being lazy when everyone has some sort of sleep disorder these days.

Re: There's actually...

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

yeah :( my mom apparently can, and she tends to think everyone can do what she can. but she also can subsist on five hours of sleep. my dad has a weird sleep pattern anyway and tends to wake up and wander around several times during the night. his side of the family likes to wake up early.

Re: There's actually...

[wolf-heart9.livejournal.com]

*nodnod* Yeah, there are a lot of people I knew growing up who were always up by 6am. Every day. And were wide awake. And active all day long.

I just don't like being up that early unless there's a roadtrip with eating and shopping.

[dmilanflash.livejournal.com]

Not to sound like a mattress salesman, but how old is the mattress you're currently sleeping on?

PEACEMAKER

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

i'm not really sure. :( i'll have to ask.

when i was sleeping on the floor, i dropped off unusually quickly. i wonder if discomfort makes me sleepy.

[cobaltnine.livejournal.com]

I was chatting with the sleep guys at work today and they admit it's tricky and say that it really, honestly almost gets grown out of eventually in most people. Until then, or until they figure it out a little more, all they can suggest is melatonin at night and BRIGHT light in the morning for the delayed sleep. (In the elderly it can reverse and they do the opposite.)

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

thank you for advice. will have to see if melatonin works again, will note bright light in mornings. i wonder if i can get one of those sun lamps for cheap.