Judah Junk and the Mad Maccabees

[kleenexwoman]

It occurs to me that I have absolutely no idea when Chanukah really is. Could be in November for all I know. We're just having the Weasel's Annual Chanukah Bash when I come home from college, which is fine with me.
Dad was moaning in the kitchen about how he spends somewhere around $1,000 dollars on the party every year, and more people just keep coming and coming and coming. It's because of the food, of course. Darlene makes amazing nibbles for the party. Oh, it could be because of the Amazing Gift Swap and the fact that Dad is somehow able to cram upward of 60 people into a mid-size house...that's a spectacle worth seeing.
I usually hide out in the basement and play dreidel. For the Goyish, here is how you play dreidel:
You get a top with four sides. There are four Hebrew letters on it, one on each side: Nun, Gimel, Hey, and Shin. These stand for "A great miracle happened there." Nesh Gadol Hayah Sham. I can only remember this by singing an old song that doesn't involve clay. Fucking "dreidel dreidel dreidel" song, that's all anyone knows about Chanukah anymore. I tried making a dreidel out of clay and it was very unwieldy. The plastic ones are best for spinny tricks.
ANYWAY. You will not know what these letters are, because you are Goyish. I will tell you what they are when they come up. You will listen to me. The half-Jew's word is law tonight.
If you get Nun, nothing happens, and I get to go. If I get Nun, I get to go again because I was cheated out of a lucrative turn.
If you get Gimel, you put all your geld in the pot, and I win. If I get Gimel, I get all the geld that's in there, and then everyone puts a few more coins in the pot so that I can win them, too.
If you get Hey, you get to put half of your geld in. If I get Hey, I get half of what's in the pot.
If you get Shin, you have to put one of your coins in the pot. If I get Shin, I get to eat one of my little chocolate coins.
The same rules apply for Strip Dreidel, although Shin doesn't mean that I get to eat one of my pieces of clothing.

Darlene was listening to insipid Christmas music while she was baking. I respect her right to hog the radio station if-and-only-if she is making yummies, although I did make my own X-Mas music playlist later. It includes "XMas Eve" by Born Against. The lyrics are as such:

"A nation of nonbelievers
Unrepentant in their hearts
Pious one night out of every year
Ease the mind ditch the guilt and alls right
And just on xmas eve
The joke's on them
The dead are never gonna rise again
Rise again on xmas morning
Three cheers for santy
Hip hooray
Our saintly concern for world peace
Lies at our feet undisguised as naked greed
The joke's on them
The dead are never gonna rise again
And christ's dead flesh keeps right on rotting."

Cheery, no? Unfortunately, you can't really understand half the lyrics because the singer just kind of gives up and screams through most of them. Oh well. I'm sure you all can appreciate the sentiment.

*

In non-holiday related news, I figured out (during one of my endless sputtering rants to thatnoise, because he always listens to whatever I have to say, no matter how stupid) why there aren't many "Beetlejuice" fanbrats. "Nightmare Before Christmas" has plenty of Jack-and-Sally mushiness and Mary Sues. "Edward Scissorhands," ditto. Even "Corpse Bride." But "Beetlejuice" doesn't even have a section of its own on FFN. It's not for lack of quality or popularity, either...
So what scares off the fanbrats? Easy: The funny, and the lack of romantic subplot. "Beetlejuice" is silly and parodical in a way that most Burton movies are not. The title character, far from being a romantic emo monster who just needs a hug, is a self-satisfied, cadaverous demon comedian whose main form of communication is very non-romantic slapstick and sight gags. Even Lydia, the character with whom you'd think most Burton fanbrats would identify, is a very obvious parody of a goth!emo girl (and who wants to be a parody?). And, of course, not even the densest 13-year-old Hot Topic customer could possibly turn "Lydia agrees to marry Beetlejuice for the spiritual equivalent of a green card so that he'll get her ghostly parent-figures back" for "OMG undead tru luv." Um, one hopes.
Their relationship does mellow out quite a bit in the cartoon series, as I recall. Which I have fond memories of watching as a wee child (along with such masterpieces as "Batfink," "Underdog," "Superchicken," and "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures," a cartoon series based on the movie. I never even knew there was a movie of it until years later).

*

Have also determined that I need a punk name, because you are not truly cool until you have one. Examples: Johnny Rotten & Sid Vicious (what has eight arms and still can't play bass? Squid Vicious!), Johnny Flash, Poly Styrene, Lora Logic, Colleen Caffiene, Luke Mucous (if I'm forgetting any cool ones, do tell me). I can't figure out anything besides "Rachel Rancid," which is not very original. Anyway, who says it has to be my real name?
In lieu of me having one, I will give whoever comments a punk rock stage name as a Chanukah present. Names are not guaranteed to rock. Sorry.

Comments

[dr-ninjapants.livejournal.com]

I'm so cool that even though I went to a Baptist church growing up, I played dreidel. I played a Jewish kid in Bethleham for this yearly walk-through play my parents church did every year and to keep us entertained while we sat on our asses for hours every night they'd make us play dreidel with lima beans. Until we could get away and sneak to the behind the scenes donut table.

Oh, and re: the punk name... there was a guy in this one band and his name was Darby Crash. When I was a senior in high school I was at this Tech conference in Palm Springs that my Networking class had helped set up and I had to wear a nametag and I was walking through the convention and some guy points at my name tag and goes 'Oh ha ha.'

I was confused so I said 'What?' and he says 'well you have all those punk buttons... is that your real name? you're not trying to be like Darby Crash?' cuz you'll realize my name tag at the time said 'Darcy Cash'. I was very amused at that.

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

Yeah, there isn't any possible way to make your name more punk unless we give it a mohawk. Actually, you'd look pretty good with a mohawk.

:snerk: Dreidel with lima beans. You poor thing. Have a gold-wrapped coin of cheap chocolate.

[dmilanflash.livejournal.com]

Chanukah starts on Christmas, believe it or not.

PEACEMAKER

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

Really? Well. We're early.

Now you get a punk name. You are Andy Scandal, an ironic name given to you by your bandmates who notice that you eschew underground 'zines for the Wall Street Journal.

[tophet-perish.livejournal.com]

Im confused. For the dreidel game, it seems like you'd want to be the second person. Unless by 'you' you meant a non-Jew. Which isnt nice.

Does it switch?

Bill and Ted RAWK!?!1

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

I play by Herschel Ostropoler rules. I am always the second person, no matter what. I am the Dreidel Game-Master.

I don't know your real name, so your punk name is Mama Muerte. Your band plays ska-tinged splatterpunk. You always wear a skull mask onstage to protect your real identity.

[tophet-perish.livejournal.com]

awwww....I WISH!!


but uh...yeah, new nickname!

[blueeye-jedi.livejournal.com]

Strip Dreidel...?

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

It's kind of like strip poker, only it takes much less time to get everyone naked. Either that, or there is a lot of mix-up with clothes and putting them back on every five minutes. Sounds more fun than it is.

Your punk name is Jenny Jet, and you reinvent glam punk through innovative set design and band costuming.

[diraskyria.livejournal.com]

I've always kinda figured there could be a possible Barbara/Lydia femme slash. But this is coming from the girl with obsession on coupling parental figures with their prospective non-blood children....Plus, I mean, Geena Davis and Winona Ryder are both quite beautiful women.

Anyway, I only said that so I could have a punk damn.

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

Ironically, that's one of the few pairings that I go "No! No! Ew!" at. I can vaguely imagine someone writing Lydia/OC femmeslash, but I probably wouldn't.

Hmm. Punk name for you. "Skylie" paired with any word still sounds far too pretty to be punk--more like a folksinger or an Enya-type. So, Roaring Laura. You do quasi-metal concept albums with a lot of really innovative sound effects and a glossary for the words you make up in the lyrics.

[diraskyria.livejournal.com]

I actually gave the Beetlejuice thing some thought, and my conclusion lies in the fact that the love story is not between some young, awkward things that have to overcome something to be together. Instead, it's with Adam and Barbara, a slightly older married couple who's love is quite firmly in place, and any challenge that they encounter, they encounter together, and it doesn't really threaten their love...just their happiness on a different plane. Not quite as appealing to eager little fanwriters, I'd imagine.

[majorenglishesq.livejournal.com]

i wish i had time to go into the beetlejuice thing. what i can say right now is that i remember the second episode of the animated series where lydia told him to get out of her life and they spent about ten minutes angsting before they became friends again.
my first taste of angst, right there. i actually still have a few eps on tape.

i used to look for BJ fanfiction, i know there were a few small sites with fanart and fiction and stuff, but a lot of it is really amature and some is roughly translated from russian and whatnot, so it's hard to deal with trying to read it.

i'm still slightly amazed that the whole undead-with-bad-hygine meets eighties-goth-grrl actually did make for some workable fanfiction plot. not that i could ressurrect (haha) any or recall any of these plots at this extreme moment, but... uhyeah. so i was, once upon a time, a beetlejuice fangirl.

of course, i was also into Pitch Black/Chronicals of Riddick fic and my tounge is, at this very moment, the brightest shade of blue i could manage to make it. so i have Established Weird. it works for me.

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

I love your icon.
I don't actually remember any of the plots, myself--just the fact that I watched it. I think I was about five. Weird.
I managed to find some fanfic on FFN just now, in the cartoon section. Looks new. Doesn't look that good.

Oh! You get a punk name. Your real name is Julie, yes? Jaded Julie. Solo artist, electric guitar, grunge-tinged yet poetic lyrics. You eventually publish a book of poetry.

[majorenglishesq.livejournal.com]

i lurk on cultfilm_icons and steal icons without commenting (but with credit). some good stuff there. i picked up a few The Professional and Trainspotting and Dogma icons and stuff, too.

Jaded Julie. LOVE IT. who knew i rocked so hard?

[neverreal.livejournal.com]

I don't think I understand that game.
So I'm going to move right along to Beetlejuice...
I think Beetlejuice totally kicks all those other movies' arses. I mean, yeah, I love all the other movies too (although Sally kind of irritates me) but there's something about Beetlejuice that just makes it...better? I've liked it for aaaaages and I never even thought about the fact that it's not as popular with the little 'fanbrats' as the others.
...
There was a Billy & Ted cartoon?! That's so...lol. That's funny.

I can't think of any other punk names. All I can think is Adam Ant but he was, like, a new romantic anyway, so not punk and therefore a little bit useless.

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

It's the funny. "Beetlejuice" is pretty much pure comedy. Sooo much fun.

I think Adam Ant is technically post-punk. New Wave, at least. Let's see, yours...your real name is Andrea, yes? Screaming Andrea. You do old-school, three-chord punk with surprisingly romantic lyrics.

[neverreal.livejournal.com]

So true. It is!

Ah, OK. Well, he wore lots of frilly stuff, anyway. lol
Yep, that's my name. =]
Haha, I like that! If I'm ever in a punk band I'll totally use it. =]

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

Aww, but that takes all the fun out of it. You got Sheena Armstrong, by the way. Definitely not what I would have chosen. Erin Evil would be better. You'd do metal-tinged splatterpunk that verges on the edge of parody and often breaks out into kazoo solos.

[josephwaldman.livejournal.com]

Re rock name: I tried to be advertised as "Captain Soviet" when my college band would get gigs (few and far between, and never paid in anything but beer). Like Captain America, get it? Actually, I didn't. It wasn't much of a joke, particularly as it didn't mean anything to me other than that I wore a Stalin-style military cap, wore a WWII "Order of Victory" medal on my suitcoat, and wrapped a hammer 'n sickle flag around my shoulders (all available from the fine folks at Sovietski.com) while playing, in addition to looking just generally bearded and menacing behind aviator sunglasses. On that note, too, don't forget about Handsome Dick Manitoba (nee Richard Blum) of the Dictators. "I think what we need is the handsomest man in rock and roll!" "Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!"

I propose a new version for the holiday games: Russian Dreidel. Set the damn thing with an explosive device weighted on one of the sides and if you land it, ka-blooey.

Or some weird derivation of "Zyklon B" as "Cyclone," spinning as the top does . . .

JW, who is half-Jewish, for anyone reading this who gets outraged and wants to report him to the ADL