(no subject)
Feb. 7th, 2005 04:40 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kleenexwomanShat out a fic about aliens. Fanfiction: The anti-drug. Or, no, actually a drug. Wasn't there a story about how science fiction was a drug? If I recall, it also compared the Spanish conquistadors to alien invaders and had a lot to do with both gold and cocaine. Not in a flashy pimpy way, in a really depressing way. I like that story. It was in either the Norton Book of Classic Science Fiction Stories or the Oxford one. Edited by Ursula K. Le Guin, I think. Also had a good story called "The Brains Of Rats" that was about a transvestite scientist. And had a Joanna Russ story that I liked. Joanna Russ really appealed to me when I was a middle school feminist.
I have a headache right now and I've been crying for a lot of reasons. Things just build up, and then once every couple of months they go "click" or possibly "bang" and I end up rocking back and forth in the hallway at 2 AM crying to someone who I really shouldn't be bothering at that hour.
I had a really long rant written out about how people are starting to like me and how they really shouldn't because the only reason I get them to like me is because I don't want the other monkeys to kill me for being useless...look, it made more sense when I was sobbing into my Sociology text. I'll post my Sociological Theory of Monkey Brains sometime later, probably after I talk Sheptoski's ear off with it after class while he's trying to get to his car.
I really wish I could avoid doing stupid shit that upsets people.
And I need to get to bed. But I can't, because Ashley's in there and if I wake her up one more time I'm afraid she'll actually try to kill me. It'll really be my fault anyway. I do all this and it makes her mad. I do things and it makes people mad. Or sad. Or something.
I can't get mad at people, I cringe instead. No matter what. It's usually my fault anyway. Wasn't even Her fault. Couldn't love Her. Couldn't handle knowing that someone cared about me. That's why I really shouldn't have a girlfriend. Kathryn's been flirting with me, I think. Can't tell. Wouldn't be fair to her anyway. Not good at this sort of thing. Obviously.
I don't really want to go to class tomorrow. I'm going to sleep in my clothes and look all disheveled. And I haven't gotten my Econ done either.
I have a headache right now and I've been crying for a lot of reasons. Things just build up, and then once every couple of months they go "click" or possibly "bang" and I end up rocking back and forth in the hallway at 2 AM crying to someone who I really shouldn't be bothering at that hour.
I had a really long rant written out about how people are starting to like me and how they really shouldn't because the only reason I get them to like me is because I don't want the other monkeys to kill me for being useless...look, it made more sense when I was sobbing into my Sociology text. I'll post my Sociological Theory of Monkey Brains sometime later, probably after I talk Sheptoski's ear off with it after class while he's trying to get to his car.
I really wish I could avoid doing stupid shit that upsets people.
And I need to get to bed. But I can't, because Ashley's in there and if I wake her up one more time I'm afraid she'll actually try to kill me. It'll really be my fault anyway. I do all this and it makes her mad. I do things and it makes people mad. Or sad. Or something.
I can't get mad at people, I cringe instead. No matter what. It's usually my fault anyway. Wasn't even Her fault. Couldn't love Her. Couldn't handle knowing that someone cared about me. That's why I really shouldn't have a girlfriend. Kathryn's been flirting with me, I think. Can't tell. Wouldn't be fair to her anyway. Not good at this sort of thing. Obviously.
I don't really want to go to class tomorrow. I'm going to sleep in my clothes and look all disheveled. And I haven't gotten my Econ done either.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2005-02-08 05:56 pm (UTC)Things just build up, and then once every couple of months they go "click" or possibly "bang" and I end up rocking back and forth in the hallway at 2 AM crying to someone who I really shouldn't be bothering at that hour.
Ack, I know what that's like. It's not fun in the slightest, but it does get better. If your roommates are jerks, it's not your fault. Things do calm down, eventually.
*hugs again* Um... can't think of what else to say...
(no subject)
Date: 2005-02-08 06:08 pm (UTC)not really all my roommates though. if i told you most of it you'd probably be pissed off at me too.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-02-09 02:52 am (UTC)Damn, I sound diplomatic. It's true, though. Nobody is at fault here. Everyone take a deep breath. Tell me all about it. It's going to be okay.