kleenexwoman: A caricature of me looking future-y. (Default)
Rachel ([personal profile] kleenexwoman) wrote2005-02-07 04:40 am
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  • Current Mood: drained
  • Current Music: "I Fear The Monkey In Your Soul," Steely Dan
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Shat out a fic about aliens. Fanfiction: The anti-drug. Or, no, actually a drug. Wasn't there a story about how science fiction was a drug? If I recall, it also compared the Spanish conquistadors to alien invaders and had a lot to do with both gold and cocaine. Not in a flashy pimpy way, in a really depressing way. I like that story. It was in either the Norton Book of Classic Science Fiction Stories or the Oxford one. Edited by Ursula K. Le Guin, I think. Also had a good story called "The Brains Of Rats" that was about a transvestite scientist. And had a Joanna Russ story that I liked. Joanna Russ really appealed to me when I was a middle school feminist.

I have a headache right now and I've been crying for a lot of reasons. Things just build up, and then once every couple of months they go "click" or possibly "bang" and I end up rocking back and forth in the hallway at 2 AM crying to someone who I really shouldn't be bothering at that hour.
I had a really long rant written out about how people are starting to like me and how they really shouldn't because the only reason I get them to like me is because I don't want the other monkeys to kill me for being useless...look, it made more sense when I was sobbing into my Sociology text. I'll post my Sociological Theory of Monkey Brains sometime later, probably after I talk Sheptoski's ear off with it after class while he's trying to get to his car.

I really wish I could avoid doing stupid shit that upsets people.

And I need to get to bed. But I can't, because Ashley's in there and if I wake her up one more time I'm afraid she'll actually try to kill me. It'll really be my fault anyway. I do all this and it makes her mad. I do things and it makes people mad. Or sad. Or something.
I can't get mad at people, I cringe instead. No matter what. It's usually my fault anyway. Wasn't even Her fault. Couldn't love Her. Couldn't handle knowing that someone cared about me. That's why I really shouldn't have a girlfriend. Kathryn's been flirting with me, I think. Can't tell. Wouldn't be fair to her anyway. Not good at this sort of thing. Obviously.

I don't really want to go to class tomorrow. I'm going to sleep in my clothes and look all disheveled. And I haven't gotten my Econ done either.
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[identity profile] nike-victory.livejournal.com 2005-02-07 04:46 pm (UTC)(link)
*hugs*

You'll be okay

[identity profile] musicjrnlst.livejournal.com 2005-02-07 06:39 pm (UTC)(link)
If not we can chat...let me know when you'll be online

Hope you feel better

John

[identity profile] interactiveleaf.livejournal.com 2005-02-07 06:40 pm (UTC)(link)
Why, do you suppose, do your roommates feel that it is acceptable to blame their problems on you?

Sounds to me as if you got hit with grade-school bullies who have yet to grow out of it. Some folks never do.

*big hugs*

[identity profile] wolf-heart9.livejournal.com 2005-02-07 10:19 pm (UTC)(link)
You really need to talk to someone about your roommate. Your RA, a counselor...something. There's got to be someone that can step in and tell her to get off your back. Sorry, hon, it's not your fault that your roommate is so hypersensitive to people who aren't just like her to the point that she can't take responsibility for her own shit.

Stupid Shit

(Anonymous) 2005-02-07 10:59 pm (UTC)(link)
That is all that you are capable of doing...STUPID SHIT. Quit sobbing and get over it. It is your fault and now you have to live with the consequences!

Re: Stupid Shit

[identity profile] nike-victory.livejournal.com 2005-02-08 12:03 am (UTC)(link)
How is it her fault, Anony-mouse?

Re: Stupid Shit

[identity profile] kleenexwoman.livejournal.com 2005-02-08 12:10 am (UTC)(link)
Don't ask. I know who left that message, it's a long story...

Re: Stupid Shit

[identity profile] nike-victory.livejournal.com 2005-02-08 12:54 am (UTC)(link)
Okay.

Re: Stupid Shit

[identity profile] wolf-heart9.livejournal.com 2005-02-08 11:26 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh Christ, you stupid little bitch. Fuck off, alright? This doesn't even concern you...you ball-less little freak of nature. Jesus, at least have the fucking spine to log in and show your name, you cowardly little fuck. If it doesn't concern you, then don't comment. In fact, why don't you just quit commenting on this journal completely since none of her life is really any of your business?

Long story

(Anonymous) 2005-02-08 02:37 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, no...Do tell!

Re: Long story

[identity profile] kleenexwoman.livejournal.com 2005-02-08 03:14 am (UTC)(link)
You can tell it, all-knowing Anony-Mouse. I don't feel like typing out the whole damn thing. Doesn't matter anyway.

[identity profile] drworm.livejournal.com 2005-02-08 05:56 pm (UTC)(link)
*hugs* Um... I have no idea what's going on, but I'm sorry things are sucking so much.

Things just build up, and then once every couple of months they go "click" or possibly "bang" and I end up rocking back and forth in the hallway at 2 AM crying to someone who I really shouldn't be bothering at that hour.

Ack, I know what that's like. It's not fun in the slightest, but it does get better. If your roommates are jerks, it's not your fault. Things do calm down, eventually.

*hugs again* Um... can't think of what else to say...

[identity profile] kleenexwoman.livejournal.com 2005-02-08 06:08 pm (UTC)(link)
thank you.

not really all my roommates though. if i told you most of it you'd probably be pissed off at me too.

[identity profile] drworm.livejournal.com 2005-02-09 02:52 am (UTC)(link)
At this point I'm mostly just confused. Anyway, I tend not to stay angry. This sounds like there was some kind of misunderstanding or mistake which is nobody's fault.

Damn, I sound diplomatic. It's true, though. Nobody is at fault here. Everyone take a deep breath. Tell me all about it. It's going to be okay.

Any brain cells left?

(Anonymous) 2005-02-08 08:22 pm (UTC)(link)
Knowing that if you told other people and they would get pissed. Doesn't that make you question even more why you did it?

Re: Any brain cells left?

[identity profile] kleenexwoman.livejournal.com 2005-02-08 08:42 pm (UTC)(link)
I believe we're talking about two different situations, Anony-Mouse. (And yes, I know who you are, Mara-Tammy hivemind. I get a kick out of calling you a mouse.) You're talking about a situation which has been discussed at length on my Livejournal, which everyone knows about, and in which, overwhelmingly, I have support.
The situation to which I am referring is something that has happened in the last couple of days and which is much more fresh, immediate, and possibly personal to the poster I responded to. It's also more complicated. Please don't post things like this unless you're certain you know what you're talking about, because otherwise you're going to look like an idiot.
And at least have the courtesy to log in. My laptop does have IP logging turned on.

Re: Any brain cells left?

[identity profile] hhschick04.livejournal.com 2005-02-08 11:42 pm (UTC)(link)
The threat is more than enough. I would sooner slit Tammy's throat then have her spend five minutes in your company!

Re: Any brain cells left?

[identity profile] wolf-heart9.livejournal.com 2005-02-10 07:15 am (UTC)(link)
Oh wow...that's...um. Encouraging. Oh yeah, I'd really want to spend my time with screwballs who'd rather slit my throat than have me spend time with someone. And you know...your protectiveness of Tammy confirms that apparently she can't take care of herself or, you know...fight her own battles. Apparently.

Wow.
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