Judah Junk and the Mad Maccabees

It occurs to me that I have absolutely no idea when Chanukah really is. Could be in November for all I know. We're just having the Weasel's Annual Chanukah Bash when I come home from college, which is fine with me.
Dad was moaning in the kitchen about how he spends somewhere around $1,000 dollars on the party every year, and more people just keep coming and coming and coming. It's because of the food, of course. Darlene makes amazing nibbles for the party. Oh, it could be because of the Amazing Gift Swap and the fact that Dad is somehow able to cram upward of 60 people into a mid-size house...that's a spectacle worth seeing.
I usually hide out in the basement and play dreidel. For the Goyish, here is how you play dreidel:
You get a top with four sides. There are four Hebrew letters on it, one on each side: Nun, Gimel, Hey, and Shin. These stand for "A great miracle happened there." Nesh Gadol Hayah Sham. I can only remember this by singing an old song that doesn't involve clay. Fucking "dreidel dreidel dreidel" song, that's all anyone knows about Chanukah anymore. I tried making a dreidel out of clay and it was very unwieldy. The plastic ones are best for spinny tricks.
ANYWAY. You will not know what these letters are, because you are Goyish. I will tell you what they are when they come up. You will listen to me. The half-Jew's word is law tonight.
If you get Nun, nothing happens, and I get to go. If I get Nun, I get to go again because I was cheated out of a lucrative turn.
If you get Gimel, you put all your geld in the pot, and I win. If I get Gimel, I get all the geld that's in there, and then everyone puts a few more coins in the pot so that I can win them, too.
If you get Hey, you get to put half of your geld in. If I get Hey, I get half of what's in the pot.
If you get Shin, you have to put one of your coins in the pot. If I get Shin, I get to eat one of my little chocolate coins.
The same rules apply for Strip Dreidel, although Shin doesn't mean that I get to eat one of my pieces of clothing.

Darlene was listening to insipid Christmas music while she was baking. I respect her right to hog the radio station if-and-only-if she is making yummies, although I did make my own X-Mas music playlist later. It includes "XMas Eve" by Born Against. The lyrics are as such:

"A nation of nonbelievers
Unrepentant in their hearts
Pious one night out of every year
Ease the mind ditch the guilt and alls right
And just on xmas eve
The joke's on them
The dead are never gonna rise again
Rise again on xmas morning
Three cheers for santy
Hip hooray
Our saintly concern for world peace
Lies at our feet undisguised as naked greed
The joke's on them
The dead are never gonna rise again
And christ's dead flesh keeps right on rotting."

Cheery, no? Unfortunately, you can't really understand half the lyrics because the singer just kind of gives up and screams through most of them. Oh well. I'm sure you all can appreciate the sentiment.

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In non-holiday related news, I figured out (during one of my endless sputtering rants to thatnoise, because he always listens to whatever I have to say, no matter how stupid) why there aren't many "Beetlejuice" fanbrats. "Nightmare Before Christmas" has plenty of Jack-and-Sally mushiness and Mary Sues. "Edward Scissorhands," ditto. Even "Corpse Bride." But "Beetlejuice" doesn't even have a section of its own on FFN. It's not for lack of quality or popularity, either...
So what scares off the fanbrats? Easy: The funny, and the lack of romantic subplot. "Beetlejuice" is silly and parodical in a way that most Burton movies are not. The title character, far from being a romantic emo monster who just needs a hug, is a self-satisfied, cadaverous demon comedian whose main form of communication is very non-romantic slapstick and sight gags. Even Lydia, the character with whom you'd think most Burton fanbrats would identify, is a very obvious parody of a goth!emo girl (and who wants to be a parody?). And, of course, not even the densest 13-year-old Hot Topic customer could possibly turn "Lydia agrees to marry Beetlejuice for the spiritual equivalent of a green card so that he'll get her ghostly parent-figures back" for "OMG undead tru luv." Um, one hopes.
Their relationship does mellow out quite a bit in the cartoon series, as I recall. Which I have fond memories of watching as a wee child (along with such masterpieces as "Batfink," "Underdog," "Superchicken," and "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures," a cartoon series based on the movie. I never even knew there was a movie of it until years later).

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Have also determined that I need a punk name, because you are not truly cool until you have one. Examples: Johnny Rotten & Sid Vicious (what has eight arms and still can't play bass? Squid Vicious!), Johnny Flash, Poly Styrene, Lora Logic, Colleen Caffiene, Luke Mucous (if I'm forgetting any cool ones, do tell me). I can't figure out anything besides "Rachel Rancid," which is not very original. Anyway, who says it has to be my real name?
In lieu of me having one, I will give whoever comments a punk rock stage name as a Chanukah present. Names are not guaranteed to rock. Sorry.