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kleenexwomanMade a new friend tonight: Paul. He's going into the CIA right after college; he's on some sort of sell-your-soul government scholarship. He spent his previous college years bouncing around the world on their dime, mostly in the Arabic states, since he's learning Arabic. He says he doesn't expect to live past 30, because of his job.
Cute kid. Can recite Venture Bros. scripts from memory; does a mean Monarch voice. Also did his impression of Christian Bale in "American Psycho" for me, despite the fact that I haven't seen that movie yet. He's a very happy guy. Smiles a lot, has a voice like a kittenish fifth-grader. Says he plays demented, tragical characters in Vampire because he likes to try experiencing tragedy. Of course, his character's got six derangements and his Humanity's dropping steadily. Despite this, Paul's natural smiliness shines through, which makes his character's utter amorality and general batshit-ness even creepier, more so than your average demented Malkavian or snotty Invictus.
I am extremely interested by Paul. I think I want to write a story about him; not his characters, him. Possibly involving mages, werewolves, or vampires, real or imaginary. I'll think up something. There are just some people who require writing about.
Also told the Story of Tammy to an interested audience of Mage players at Shoney's yesterday. I think I've gotten to the point where I can talk about it objectively, and even make it into an entertaining story, which is good. (It was when I began to wax sappy about Boyd that they lost interest.)
Robyn was particularly taken with how Tammy had portrayed me, in story, song, and conversation, as being her "dark half." Apparently, this isn't really a normal thing for ex-lovers to do. "That horrible lying bitch," yes, that's normal. "The living representation of the evil which lives within me and which I must spend the rest of my life eradicating from the world and from my own psyche" is slightly less normal. I'm just really, really glad that she seems to have dropped it.
It's so fucking weird to be informed that you're someone's evil half, or the dark side of their destiny, or their lover whom the gods have fated to destroy them. I mean, I can understand it if you've actually consciously decided to be that, but if you're just kind of trying to get by...well, it can mess with your head a little. "Funny, I don't feel like the evil half of you, I feel like me. What, I'm just another part of your identity? Nothing else? That's great, just create my entire identity for me, go ahead, it's not like I'm using it or anything. You know what? Maybe I'm not your Dark Half, maybe you're my Stupid Half. You think that's possible? You know what, to hell with it, I'll be your fucking Dark Half if that's what you want. You want to be a martyr? You want me to destroy you? FINE! I'll do it! And I'll laugh while I'm doing it, too!" It's frighteningly easy to get sucked into this kind of shit.
Been rereading "Dance of Death." The more I think about it, the more I love that Aloysius is really just as fucked-up as Diogenes. It's basically compulsive morality as a result of a psychpathology.
Aloysius never talks about what he was like as a kid, does he? Just the mention of his collection of toy cars, and Aunt Cordelia's talking about how all the other kids picked on him until he learned meditation and fighting techniques from his own nameless Mr. Miyagi (I'm going off memory here, since I can't find that part in "Brimstone"). Aloysius mentions that he has an exceptional memory, going back to before his first birthday. This suggests that the hyper-self-awareness Krasner notices is less of a developed defense mechanism than it is an inborn trait. He probably developed a very advanced sense of morality at a very young age, due to this.
As a little brother, this is a lot to live up to. Diogenes, despite his brilliance, probably had the morality of the average boy child--prone to pulling important limbs off of bugs and poking at toads with sticks. Aloysius, expecting hyper-morality from his genius brother, would have been sickened, and assumed that there was something morally deficient in Diogenes. As a little kid, he wouldn't have understood the whole nature vs. nurture thing (kids don't,) and made what sociologists call a "savage discovery" or "savage assumption"--assuming that since Diogenes acted differently, he was inherently different, inherently evil, and began to treat him as such.
Going by the "Jackson Pollack" comment Diogenes makes (in Aloysius's head, though), I'm guessing there was probably a certain amount of big-brother hero-worship going on when Diogenes was really, really young. Being treated as a pariah would have either forced him to straighten up and adopt Aloysius's own code of morality, or to give up and say, "Fine, I'm a horrible, evil child, look, I killed your mousie, are you happy now?" Being ambitious, he did the second; Diogenes, even as a kid, doesn't strike me as someone who would want to be second-best at anything, even in being a good guy.
I think the scarlet fever wasn't just the turning point for the sake of the disease. I think Aloysius did something to him when he was sick, maybe as punishment of some sort. Doesn't even matter if it was meant to be horrible or not--people who think they're doing good can fuck up someone just as badly as the purest psychopath. And I know this particular part of the theory is really working off Lew's idea about Diogenes fucking with Aloysius when he was sick in that hospital...mirrors it, really, but I'm working backwards here anyway. "You did this to me when I was sick and helpless, now I will fuck you up while you are sick and helpless before I ruin the rest of your life."
Cute kid. Can recite Venture Bros. scripts from memory; does a mean Monarch voice. Also did his impression of Christian Bale in "American Psycho" for me, despite the fact that I haven't seen that movie yet. He's a very happy guy. Smiles a lot, has a voice like a kittenish fifth-grader. Says he plays demented, tragical characters in Vampire because he likes to try experiencing tragedy. Of course, his character's got six derangements and his Humanity's dropping steadily. Despite this, Paul's natural smiliness shines through, which makes his character's utter amorality and general batshit-ness even creepier, more so than your average demented Malkavian or snotty Invictus.
I am extremely interested by Paul. I think I want to write a story about him; not his characters, him. Possibly involving mages, werewolves, or vampires, real or imaginary. I'll think up something. There are just some people who require writing about.
Also told the Story of Tammy to an interested audience of Mage players at Shoney's yesterday. I think I've gotten to the point where I can talk about it objectively, and even make it into an entertaining story, which is good. (It was when I began to wax sappy about Boyd that they lost interest.)
Robyn was particularly taken with how Tammy had portrayed me, in story, song, and conversation, as being her "dark half." Apparently, this isn't really a normal thing for ex-lovers to do. "That horrible lying bitch," yes, that's normal. "The living representation of the evil which lives within me and which I must spend the rest of my life eradicating from the world and from my own psyche" is slightly less normal. I'm just really, really glad that she seems to have dropped it.
It's so fucking weird to be informed that you're someone's evil half, or the dark side of their destiny, or their lover whom the gods have fated to destroy them. I mean, I can understand it if you've actually consciously decided to be that, but if you're just kind of trying to get by...well, it can mess with your head a little. "Funny, I don't feel like the evil half of you, I feel like me. What, I'm just another part of your identity? Nothing else? That's great, just create my entire identity for me, go ahead, it's not like I'm using it or anything. You know what? Maybe I'm not your Dark Half, maybe you're my Stupid Half. You think that's possible? You know what, to hell with it, I'll be your fucking Dark Half if that's what you want. You want to be a martyr? You want me to destroy you? FINE! I'll do it! And I'll laugh while I'm doing it, too!" It's frighteningly easy to get sucked into this kind of shit.
Been rereading "Dance of Death." The more I think about it, the more I love that Aloysius is really just as fucked-up as Diogenes. It's basically compulsive morality as a result of a psychpathology.
Aloysius never talks about what he was like as a kid, does he? Just the mention of his collection of toy cars, and Aunt Cordelia's talking about how all the other kids picked on him until he learned meditation and fighting techniques from his own nameless Mr. Miyagi (I'm going off memory here, since I can't find that part in "Brimstone"). Aloysius mentions that he has an exceptional memory, going back to before his first birthday. This suggests that the hyper-self-awareness Krasner notices is less of a developed defense mechanism than it is an inborn trait. He probably developed a very advanced sense of morality at a very young age, due to this.
As a little brother, this is a lot to live up to. Diogenes, despite his brilliance, probably had the morality of the average boy child--prone to pulling important limbs off of bugs and poking at toads with sticks. Aloysius, expecting hyper-morality from his genius brother, would have been sickened, and assumed that there was something morally deficient in Diogenes. As a little kid, he wouldn't have understood the whole nature vs. nurture thing (kids don't,) and made what sociologists call a "savage discovery" or "savage assumption"--assuming that since Diogenes acted differently, he was inherently different, inherently evil, and began to treat him as such.
Going by the "Jackson Pollack" comment Diogenes makes (in Aloysius's head, though), I'm guessing there was probably a certain amount of big-brother hero-worship going on when Diogenes was really, really young. Being treated as a pariah would have either forced him to straighten up and adopt Aloysius's own code of morality, or to give up and say, "Fine, I'm a horrible, evil child, look, I killed your mousie, are you happy now?" Being ambitious, he did the second; Diogenes, even as a kid, doesn't strike me as someone who would want to be second-best at anything, even in being a good guy.
I think the scarlet fever wasn't just the turning point for the sake of the disease. I think Aloysius did something to him when he was sick, maybe as punishment of some sort. Doesn't even matter if it was meant to be horrible or not--people who think they're doing good can fuck up someone just as badly as the purest psychopath. And I know this particular part of the theory is really working off Lew's idea about Diogenes fucking with Aloysius when he was sick in that hospital...mirrors it, really, but I'm working backwards here anyway. "You did this to me when I was sick and helpless, now I will fuck you up while you are sick and helpless before I ruin the rest of your life."
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(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-29 03:30 pm (UTC)PEACEMAKER
(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-29 04:44 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-29 09:07 pm (UTC)Dark side...
Date: 2006-01-29 09:09 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-30 01:07 am (UTC)Now I want to make a secret for them too, not that I have any ideas on that end either. Hehe.
I don't think I was around when Jesus Christ had his moment of doubt and pain . . .
Date: 2006-01-30 07:25 pm (UTC)I've never had an ex pull any kind of bile and venom to that dark level of degree, but that may be because my rotten luck happened to pull me into relationships/flings/one-night stands with horrible, wicked, more-than-half-flawed people exclusively. The spoiled brat from Connecticut who slept with one of my best friends from high school after I took her home with me spring break of my college sophomore year because she'd been out on a choir tour for the first three days and it saved her (not me) money on travel; the brain-dead hillbilly whore type from central Ohio; the frighteningly activist (avoid any political junkie who uses the words "activist" or "progressive" as a self-description) glutenous Ann Arborite; et cetera ad infinitum et nauseum. The bad 'un in each doomed matchup was the other person, and that may sound arrogant for me to say, but it was the case, and, I realized after a while, the luck of the draw. Just so long as they stay as far as fuck away from me as possible.