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kleenexwomanthere are no dinosaurs. i'm sorry, but they really are not there. if you go back to 70 million years ago, the jungle will be relatively silent, free from the bellows of bull tyrannosaurs and the howls of stegasauri. it's not that they never existed, but that they've been hunted to extinction by researchers, big-game hunters, zoos, and people who just want them as pets.
there are some pretty nice megatheriums though
don't step on snails. fuck butterflies. step on all the butterflies you want. i have personally charted the life path of every single butterfly that has ever existed, and not one of them has ever accomplished anything significant at all. they have no work ethic.
i say don't step on snails not because it's dangerous, but because it's actually a sin. it turns out that god exists, and he has a thing for snails. be nice to them.
i mean, god doesn't exist now, but he will by the time the universe ends. he can't actually go back in time and smite you or anything, but he does watch time, and dead snails just make him sad.
the thing is that moore's law dictates more than just the way computers expand in memory, it dictates how fast consciousness expands. we got a late start, but we're catching up really fast. i was going to tell you who gets to be god at the end of the universe, but i'd rather it be a surprise.
everything is written at the end of the universe. angels watch over it. although i say angels, they are actually nth-dimensional beings (where n is a number somewhere between four and twelve) that are intricately woven into the fabric of spacetime itself. if you fuck up they will eat you and you will disappear very very slowly
so be careful.
does time split in half? do you flow down the river of change? if you believe that the universe is amoral and uncaring, you do; if you believe that there are infinite choices and none of them are wrong or right, you do; if you are OK with existence being a tautology, then you do. you're safe, except that you may have to make a deal with your alternate-universe twin to accomodate you both. this can be a problem. bring trinkets to dazzle people with. if you are savvy you can get a whole life for twenty-four dollars in mcdonald's toys
does time fade and form around you? yeah, if you're agnostic. you will find yourself being eaten by angels at the slightest provocation. god HATES a fuck-up. if you notice that your hands aren't there anymore you may want to get your universe looked at, because it's not very well-maintained. either close your eyes and take it like a man or get to work creating a better reality that won't rip like wet tissue paper.
does time work in a circular motion? do the seconds fall into place like licorice wheels? is everything you do forced by the fact that you have to do it before you actually do it? am i typing these words because i was going to now starting a week ago? it works like this if you believe in god or if you have certain types of neurological disorder.
the empire never ended. rome was built a couple of days ago at 1:14 in the afternoon. the reason you didn't notice was because a really stupid time traveler made everything stop for a couple thousand years while he fixed a flat tire. don't stop causality to fix a flat tire. that is just abusing your privileges as a conscious being.
if you come across another time traveler in a bar, do not smile and wink at each other, or you will give it away. and you will know if you come across another one. they have a certain lack of grace. their movements will be strangely out of sync with the rest of the world, as though they are trying to avoid bumping into things behind them.
most notable is the smell of ozone that surrounds them. nobody can explain why this is. some people think it is the enormous amount of energy expended in forcing a normally temporal object through the medium. some people think it is the smell of the tiny particles and strings the universe is made up of trying to move and force them out of the continuum and back to where they belong. some people think it is the technological stink, a miasma of thought.
time can be hurt. it is organic. time machines will injure it. the best way to time travel is through your mind, organic, safe. there are some drugs that can do this. i will sell you a few sheets if you promise to bring me back a trilobite
i love trilobites
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES GO INTO THE FUTURE
it will really just depress you
it's important to know where you are going. you can get lost in five dimensions now. make sure you know at which points the buses arrive.
there are some pretty nice megatheriums though
don't step on snails. fuck butterflies. step on all the butterflies you want. i have personally charted the life path of every single butterfly that has ever existed, and not one of them has ever accomplished anything significant at all. they have no work ethic.
i say don't step on snails not because it's dangerous, but because it's actually a sin. it turns out that god exists, and he has a thing for snails. be nice to them.
i mean, god doesn't exist now, but he will by the time the universe ends. he can't actually go back in time and smite you or anything, but he does watch time, and dead snails just make him sad.
the thing is that moore's law dictates more than just the way computers expand in memory, it dictates how fast consciousness expands. we got a late start, but we're catching up really fast. i was going to tell you who gets to be god at the end of the universe, but i'd rather it be a surprise.
everything is written at the end of the universe. angels watch over it. although i say angels, they are actually nth-dimensional beings (where n is a number somewhere between four and twelve) that are intricately woven into the fabric of spacetime itself. if you fuck up they will eat you and you will disappear very very slowly
so be careful.
does time split in half? do you flow down the river of change? if you believe that the universe is amoral and uncaring, you do; if you believe that there are infinite choices and none of them are wrong or right, you do; if you are OK with existence being a tautology, then you do. you're safe, except that you may have to make a deal with your alternate-universe twin to accomodate you both. this can be a problem. bring trinkets to dazzle people with. if you are savvy you can get a whole life for twenty-four dollars in mcdonald's toys
does time fade and form around you? yeah, if you're agnostic. you will find yourself being eaten by angels at the slightest provocation. god HATES a fuck-up. if you notice that your hands aren't there anymore you may want to get your universe looked at, because it's not very well-maintained. either close your eyes and take it like a man or get to work creating a better reality that won't rip like wet tissue paper.
does time work in a circular motion? do the seconds fall into place like licorice wheels? is everything you do forced by the fact that you have to do it before you actually do it? am i typing these words because i was going to now starting a week ago? it works like this if you believe in god or if you have certain types of neurological disorder.
the empire never ended. rome was built a couple of days ago at 1:14 in the afternoon. the reason you didn't notice was because a really stupid time traveler made everything stop for a couple thousand years while he fixed a flat tire. don't stop causality to fix a flat tire. that is just abusing your privileges as a conscious being.
if you come across another time traveler in a bar, do not smile and wink at each other, or you will give it away. and you will know if you come across another one. they have a certain lack of grace. their movements will be strangely out of sync with the rest of the world, as though they are trying to avoid bumping into things behind them.
most notable is the smell of ozone that surrounds them. nobody can explain why this is. some people think it is the enormous amount of energy expended in forcing a normally temporal object through the medium. some people think it is the smell of the tiny particles and strings the universe is made up of trying to move and force them out of the continuum and back to where they belong. some people think it is the technological stink, a miasma of thought.
time can be hurt. it is organic. time machines will injure it. the best way to time travel is through your mind, organic, safe. there are some drugs that can do this. i will sell you a few sheets if you promise to bring me back a trilobite
i love trilobites
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES GO INTO THE FUTURE
it will really just depress you
it's important to know where you are going. you can get lost in five dimensions now. make sure you know at which points the buses arrive.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2005-12-20 11:06 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-12-20 11:18 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-12-20 11:24 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-12-20 03:13 pm (UTC)*dies again*
Oh shit, this was so great.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-12-20 03:54 pm (UTC)If the Time Traveler tells you to drink 3 pints of bitter, I'd say obey him.
My favorite bit:
the empire never ended. rome was built a couple of days ago at 1:14 in the afternoon. the reason you didn't notice was because a really stupid time traveler made everything stop for a couple thousand years while he fixed a flat tire. don't stop causality to fix a flat tire. that is just abusing your privileges as a conscious being.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-12-20 06:51 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-12-20 06:59 pm (UTC)Yay for trilobites! You should make trilobite cookies for all the happy parties and stuff that happen over break.
you just gave me what's likely to be the only good part of my day
Date: 2005-12-20 07:05 pm (UTC)More????
(no subject)
Date: 2005-12-20 07:28 pm (UTC)"Oh, I wish, I wish I hadn't killed that fish" -- Homer J. Simpson
> i say don't step on snails not because it's dangerous, but because it's
> actually a sin. it turns out that god exists, and he has a thing for
> snails.
God's French? Fuck. Well, DeGaulle woulda thought so, anyway . . .
(no subject)
Date: 2005-12-20 08:43 pm (UTC)But yes, wonderful.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-12-20 08:54 pm (UTC)*snaps fingers in a Beat like fashion*
Date: 2005-12-20 08:57 pm (UTC)More?
(no subject)
Date: 2005-12-21 01:19 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-12-21 06:57 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-12-21 08:18 pm (UTC)Yay for butterfly caused distruction.