Frau Lein would be scandalized

[kleenexwoman]

ghostgecko requested this. German textbook slash! The backstory:
Rüdiger is a cute young punk boy. He is dating Marion. Marion is lucky to have him, 'cause Rüdiger is sexy and drives a motorcycle, and Marion is frankly kind of a whiny brat. Marion and her Mutter go to an island for a while to have a vacation, leaving Herr Kowlowski on his own with Lars, the bratty child. (Lars is probably off Fußball spielen here.) While on the island, Marion meets a boy named Michael, and they go off and drift romantically on a boat and talk about lost souls. Marion sends home a few letters to this effect. Michael, in the meantime, is cheating on Silke, who is pretty hot, in that Teutonic way. Rüdiger drops out of the story after that, and is never mentioned again, despite having kept Marion company through a motorcycle crash. (Later, Michael gets in trouble with his school for some article he wrote, but nobody really cares about him. Michael is a pussy.)
I wrote this in the Kaya late on a winter's night, while the snow was falling and diraskyria was trying to study. I have revised it somewhat. The original had Rüdiger rejecting Heinz because he was "alt und hässlich" (he is), and talking about "ein Dreifachgeschlectsverkehr" ("threefold-sex," because my German dictionary neglected to include the definition for "threesome") mit Marion und ihr neue Freund.

The story:
"Ist Marion hier?" Rüdiger gefragt.
"Nein," Heinz sagt, "aber ich bin hier."
"Wo ist Marion?" Rüdiger gefragt.
"Marion, und meine Frau, sind am ein Insel," Heinz sagt.
"Was? Aber sie hat nicht mich gezahlt..."
"Frauen! Sie nicht dir zahlen." Heinz schnaubt. "Marion ist glücklich am der Insel. Sie hat einen neue Freund. Michael. Vielliecht meine Frau hat ein Michael, auch."
Rüdiger war traurig. "Warum hast mir es du gezahlt? Ich hat Marion geliebt..."
"Und jetzt Marion Michael liebt. Das ist Leben." Heinz hat an Rüdigers Schulter geruhren. "Ich willst einige Schnapps dir gibst. Wir willen spielen. Herum Frauen...und nicht herum Frauen."

The translation:
"Is Marion here?" Rüdiger asked.
"No," Heinz said, "but I am here."
"Where is Marion?" Rüdiger asked.
"Marion, and my wife, are on an island," Heinz said.
"What? But she did not tell me..."
"Women! They never tell you." Heinz snorted. "Marion is happy on the island. She has a new boyfriend. Michael. Maybe my wife has a Michael, also."
Rüdiger was sad. "Why have you told me this? I loved Marion..."
"And now Marion loves Michael. Such is life." Heinz touched Rüdiger on the shoulder. "I will give you some Schnapps. We will talk about women...and not about women."

Comments

[colbyucb.livejournal.com]

Ahahaha, amazing :p. I miss the silly foreign language textbook characters. Oh, memories. I should have thought to slash the Spanish and Japanese characters of my highschool career... curses on me for not doing so.

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

As I told nyghtshayde, I'm pretty sure that Spanish characters are already having sex behind the vocab pages already.

fascinating

[majorenglishesq.livejournal.com]

this is extremely dramatic.

Re: fascinating

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

the real drama happens among the irregular verbs. They're so angsty.

[charlie-ihsan.livejournal.com]

You make me smile in ways I never knew possible.

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

*is flattered*

[evillunch.livejournal.com]

hngjhbjkbk god. you have no idea how much i love this. Taking German for three semesters with emcee_mana and chibijelly[too lazy for the lj user tag!] and we've all been secretly hoping for this sort of thing..

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

Three semesters? O dear. You must have caught all the grammatical mistakes I made then.

*giggles*

[wolf-heart9.livejournal.com]

Oh this is so cute. I wonder if I should do something like that with my Spanish book.

Hmm...

*goes to thumb through pages*

Re: *giggles*

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

Spanish is a terribly sexy language. Unlike German, which sounds as though it should be used for either stirring-yet-sexless speeches against the Jews, or describing machinery. I bet your Spanish book characters are already doin' the nasty behind the vocab list.

Re: *giggles*

[wolf-heart9.livejournal.com]

*laughs* I think you could write hardcore BDSM sex with German. But yes...Spanish is very sexy. :)

[ghostgecko.livejournal.com]

This was every bit as groovy as I thought it would be. More!

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

You are just an insatiable German-slash-consuming machine. I think I've exhausted my vocabulary. I may have to write Yiddish slash instead.

[drworm.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Fuck, your textbook characters are cooler than mine. Are you going to make me have to make Jens und Stefan (who, admittedly, looks like Herbert) go out on a date? Or will one of them have to seduce Herr Wagner?

*just turned to a page in which Stefan appears not to be wearing any pants* Oops, it's a sign!

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

Oooh. Requesting pics of Herbert-looking Stephen pantsless plz.