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kleenexwomanI've spent a week hiding in my mom's house, hunched over the computer or the coffee table on which I spread my jewelry supplies, whizzing around the neighborhood on my bike when it's sunny and hiding inside under the covers when it rains, wishing my mom wasn't too cheap to pay for heat. Because my mom has a weird DSL connection, I can't IM anyone. As a result, the only person I've exchanged more than three sentences with this week, besides Mom, is my little brother. While he is fairly intelligent for a 15-year-old because I've spent years training him, and somewhat cooler than me, he is...a 15-year-old boy. As a result, most of our conversations go like this:
Me: So really, the distinction between good and evil is a totally human-created paradigm, right?
Brian: ...
Me: What do you think? Brian?
Brian: I likes da squirrel.
Me: Yes. Squirrel. Okay.
Brian: So whaddya think about that there string theory huh?
Me: ...
Brian: I likes da squirrel.
The good thing is that he has promised to show me how to use some nifty object called Trillian, which apparently doesn't kick you off Yahoo like GAIM does. He himself doesn't have a problem talking with all his weird little friend-people because he uses AIM instead. I do not use AIM because I have a major grudge against AIM. It killed my master.
Anyway, I was looking forward to going to the Motor City ComicCon this weekend and meeting Jeff Combs...and I didn't. (single tear) I stayed in the house instead and hung out with my nuclear relatives. Which was nice...we went swimming, went to the movies, went to eat dinner at overpriced restaurants despite the fact that Mom is a teacher and therefore broke. (You can pay $20 for a plate of pasta but you can't afford to keep my fingers from falling off from the cold?)
And she also ranted about Dad...long story short, Lorraine married Biff and there is no George in sight. (I'm going to write a really mean-spirited AU Mary Sue one of these days.) I mean, she ranted a lot. She likes to warn me about pheremones. So this is Mom's public-domain warning to me, all my friends, and everyone in the universe: "So don't marry the first guy that you're attracted to, because it's all just PHEREMONES. You get to a certain age, honey, and you look at a guy and you just go "WHOA" and then it's all over because your body doesn't care about making you happy, it just wants babies. And I got you and Brian out of it, so that's OK, and I really think things turned out for the best...BUT YOUR FATHER IS AN ASSHOLE."
(He's not that bad, really...but Mom and Dad's personalities clash horribly. Like the way me and Tammy did. Yay I dodged that bullet.)
Anyway, instead of meeting Jeff Combs, I went to Comic City in Novi and got the new Fillerbunny comic. It's probably the most cynical thing Jhonen Vasquez has ever done in all aspects of its existence. I also discovered that there are "Army of Darkness" comic books, and not just the Re-Animator crossovers. These books are actually not too bad-looking; they are fairly well-drawn and seem to keep the spirit of the movie, as far as I could tell. (I only got to flip through them a little before Mom dragged me away and started asking pointed questions about why I was spending $3 on a piece of "badly-drawn crap that you're only going to read once and then throw away" when I could be saving that $3 for MY FUTURE. Mom, you do not throw away Jhonen Vasquez comics, you save them and shove them under Jhonen's nose and go "WILL YA AUTOGRAPH IT PLEEZE?" and then giggle. Anyway, what else would I spend that $3 on? It's already in my wallet and not my bank account, I might as well get the comic instead of buying donuts or something. Jeez.) When I get my first paycheck, I swear EVERY CENT of it is going towards "Army of Darkness" comics, replacement JtHM and "I Feel Sick" comics (Brian lent ours out to one of his friends who lent it out to someone else who moved to Canada, the little fucker), and miniature six-sided die. Can't cast Lightning Bolt without 'em.
Reading this over, I can't believe what a nerd I am. Nevertheless, I leave you with a word of advice: If you are trying to vacuum out your mom's car because you spilled glitter all over the seats, and you have one of those vacuums with the long hose and stick attachment, and you get bored and start waving it around and tell your little brother "This is my BOOMSTICK", you had better make sure that he's actually seen "Army of Darkness", otherwise he will not get the joke and will just stick the vacuum onto his lip and pretend it is sucking out his vocal cords.
ETA: Still making earrings. Plz buy some. Anyone know any good jewelry communities?
Me: So really, the distinction between good and evil is a totally human-created paradigm, right?
Brian: ...
Me: What do you think? Brian?
Brian: I likes da squirrel.
Me: Yes. Squirrel. Okay.
Brian: So whaddya think about that there string theory huh?
Me: ...
Brian: I likes da squirrel.
The good thing is that he has promised to show me how to use some nifty object called Trillian, which apparently doesn't kick you off Yahoo like GAIM does. He himself doesn't have a problem talking with all his weird little friend-people because he uses AIM instead. I do not use AIM because I have a major grudge against AIM. It killed my master.
Anyway, I was looking forward to going to the Motor City ComicCon this weekend and meeting Jeff Combs...and I didn't. (single tear) I stayed in the house instead and hung out with my nuclear relatives. Which was nice...we went swimming, went to the movies, went to eat dinner at overpriced restaurants despite the fact that Mom is a teacher and therefore broke. (You can pay $20 for a plate of pasta but you can't afford to keep my fingers from falling off from the cold?)
And she also ranted about Dad...long story short, Lorraine married Biff and there is no George in sight. (I'm going to write a really mean-spirited AU Mary Sue one of these days.) I mean, she ranted a lot. She likes to warn me about pheremones. So this is Mom's public-domain warning to me, all my friends, and everyone in the universe: "So don't marry the first guy that you're attracted to, because it's all just PHEREMONES. You get to a certain age, honey, and you look at a guy and you just go "WHOA" and then it's all over because your body doesn't care about making you happy, it just wants babies. And I got you and Brian out of it, so that's OK, and I really think things turned out for the best...BUT YOUR FATHER IS AN ASSHOLE."
(He's not that bad, really...but Mom and Dad's personalities clash horribly. Like the way me and Tammy did. Yay I dodged that bullet.)
Anyway, instead of meeting Jeff Combs, I went to Comic City in Novi and got the new Fillerbunny comic. It's probably the most cynical thing Jhonen Vasquez has ever done in all aspects of its existence. I also discovered that there are "Army of Darkness" comic books, and not just the Re-Animator crossovers. These books are actually not too bad-looking; they are fairly well-drawn and seem to keep the spirit of the movie, as far as I could tell. (I only got to flip through them a little before Mom dragged me away and started asking pointed questions about why I was spending $3 on a piece of "badly-drawn crap that you're only going to read once and then throw away" when I could be saving that $3 for MY FUTURE. Mom, you do not throw away Jhonen Vasquez comics, you save them and shove them under Jhonen's nose and go "WILL YA AUTOGRAPH IT PLEEZE?" and then giggle. Anyway, what else would I spend that $3 on? It's already in my wallet and not my bank account, I might as well get the comic instead of buying donuts or something. Jeez.) When I get my first paycheck, I swear EVERY CENT of it is going towards "Army of Darkness" comics, replacement JtHM and "I Feel Sick" comics (Brian lent ours out to one of his friends who lent it out to someone else who moved to Canada, the little fucker), and miniature six-sided die. Can't cast Lightning Bolt without 'em.
Reading this over, I can't believe what a nerd I am. Nevertheless, I leave you with a word of advice: If you are trying to vacuum out your mom's car because you spilled glitter all over the seats, and you have one of those vacuums with the long hose and stick attachment, and you get bored and start waving it around and tell your little brother "This is my BOOMSTICK", you had better make sure that he's actually seen "Army of Darkness", otherwise he will not get the joke and will just stick the vacuum onto his lip and pretend it is sucking out his vocal cords.
ETA: Still making earrings. Plz buy some. Anyone know any good jewelry communities?
