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Oct. 5th, 2004 08:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kleenexwomanWell, I'm pretty sure that I've finally broken up with Tammy.
For those of you who don't know the saga, Tammy and I met in 7th grade and immediately bonded over books. Tammy has cerebral palsy and is in a wheelchair, and was ostracized partially for those reasons. I was just antisocial.
We decided to call ourselves the Bookbats, and started writing a book about the Bookbats. It was not a very good book.
In 9th grade, I went to the International Academy. Tammy and I grew apart somewhat, not being able to see each other every day.
In 10th grade, we re-met and re-bonded. In the interim, however, Tammy had decided that she was a wolf. She meant this metaphorically; her "wolf pack" was the group of POHI kids she hung out with.
We had several classes together, and started working on the Bookbats book again. It morphed over time into a weird mix of Bookbat fantasy prequel and modern werewolf story that took place on a different planet but somehow had the same characters.
We each took different characters to RP. Through several character romances, we fell in love. Neither of us decided to tell the other, and the stress on our relationship resulted in Tammy deciding to cold-shoulder me all through 11th grade. I was bewildered and confused and spent several extremely fruitless and pathetic months trying to get her back.
In the middle of 12th grade, Tammy suddenly warmed up to me again. She had converted to Wicca and decided that she was a lesbian, and was happy to share that fact with me. I told her about how I'd been in love with her, and she revealed that the reason she was so cold to me during 11th grade was because she was in love with me too and couldn't handle it.
Then we started going out. That is, she decided we were going out. I was not actually aware that we were going out until three weeks after we started, when Mara (Tammy's best friend) made some kind of innuendo joke about it.
We tried to start another book, which is why I fell in love with her in the first place, but the book frankly sucked and Tammy didn't want to work on it. She wanted to talk about our relationship. All the time.
(For the record, I hold and have always held that a relationship that consists entirely of discussing the relationship is not a real relationship.)
Things started to get a little weird. Tammy started talking about sex, which I'd always thought was kind of impossible for her. Then she started to talk about marriage, and I didn't want to get married. Then she started to talk about me converting to Wicca, which I didn't want to do. Then she started to talk about having kids...
And I really don't want kids.
And I had to face it: I don't love her as much as I did in 10th grade. I still want her to be happy, but I no longer want to spend the rest of my life with her. One-sided relationship, wouldn't be fair, blah blah blah.
So we had a long, painful conversation last night. I tried every possible line I'd ever heard of to ease the transition because I'm vaguely afraid, based on several letters she's written, that if I broke up with her she'd try to slit her wrists or something.
UPDATE: Just got an E-mail from her saying that she doesn't even want to be friends or collaborators because "she's afraid that she'll fall in love with me again and she doesn't want to reopen old wounds." Ok. Makes me sad, but fair enough.
The upshot of this is that I am officially single and prepared to start a relationship.
Or, y'know, hooking up. Does anyone want to date a socially awkward English major?
What else...Ah, yes. I've just signed up for NaNoWriMo and I'm excited. I've already got an outline (it's the one I created with Ben at the Huey Lewis concert last year). This is going to give me a really good excuse to stay inside and type like mad. Like Terry Pratchett says (and this is probably way paraphrased), "writing is the most fun that you can have while alone and clothed".
And I've got tickets to Lewis Black! On Thursday! :does dance of the angry comedians:
For those of you who don't know the saga, Tammy and I met in 7th grade and immediately bonded over books. Tammy has cerebral palsy and is in a wheelchair, and was ostracized partially for those reasons. I was just antisocial.
We decided to call ourselves the Bookbats, and started writing a book about the Bookbats. It was not a very good book.
In 9th grade, I went to the International Academy. Tammy and I grew apart somewhat, not being able to see each other every day.
In 10th grade, we re-met and re-bonded. In the interim, however, Tammy had decided that she was a wolf. She meant this metaphorically; her "wolf pack" was the group of POHI kids she hung out with.
We had several classes together, and started working on the Bookbats book again. It morphed over time into a weird mix of Bookbat fantasy prequel and modern werewolf story that took place on a different planet but somehow had the same characters.
We each took different characters to RP. Through several character romances, we fell in love. Neither of us decided to tell the other, and the stress on our relationship resulted in Tammy deciding to cold-shoulder me all through 11th grade. I was bewildered and confused and spent several extremely fruitless and pathetic months trying to get her back.
In the middle of 12th grade, Tammy suddenly warmed up to me again. She had converted to Wicca and decided that she was a lesbian, and was happy to share that fact with me. I told her about how I'd been in love with her, and she revealed that the reason she was so cold to me during 11th grade was because she was in love with me too and couldn't handle it.
Then we started going out. That is, she decided we were going out. I was not actually aware that we were going out until three weeks after we started, when Mara (Tammy's best friend) made some kind of innuendo joke about it.
We tried to start another book, which is why I fell in love with her in the first place, but the book frankly sucked and Tammy didn't want to work on it. She wanted to talk about our relationship. All the time.
(For the record, I hold and have always held that a relationship that consists entirely of discussing the relationship is not a real relationship.)
Things started to get a little weird. Tammy started talking about sex, which I'd always thought was kind of impossible for her. Then she started to talk about marriage, and I didn't want to get married. Then she started to talk about me converting to Wicca, which I didn't want to do. Then she started to talk about having kids...
And I really don't want kids.
And I had to face it: I don't love her as much as I did in 10th grade. I still want her to be happy, but I no longer want to spend the rest of my life with her. One-sided relationship, wouldn't be fair, blah blah blah.
So we had a long, painful conversation last night. I tried every possible line I'd ever heard of to ease the transition because I'm vaguely afraid, based on several letters she's written, that if I broke up with her she'd try to slit her wrists or something.
UPDATE: Just got an E-mail from her saying that she doesn't even want to be friends or collaborators because "she's afraid that she'll fall in love with me again and she doesn't want to reopen old wounds." Ok. Makes me sad, but fair enough.
The upshot of this is that I am officially single and prepared to start a relationship.
Or, y'know, hooking up. Does anyone want to date a socially awkward English major?
What else...Ah, yes. I've just signed up for NaNoWriMo and I'm excited. I've already got an outline (it's the one I created with Ben at the Huey Lewis concert last year). This is going to give me a really good excuse to stay inside and type like mad. Like Terry Pratchett says (and this is probably way paraphrased), "writing is the most fun that you can have while alone and clothed".
And I've got tickets to Lewis Black! On Thursday! :does dance of the angry comedians:
