Cagiest babushka in the land of the free

[kleenexwoman]

For Independence Day, I am reading a book called The Autobiography of a Sexually Emancipated Communist Woman. It is by Alexandra Kollontai.
Confession: I originally thought this book might be erotica of some sort. LOL American sensibilities.
Alexandra Kollontai is my new hero. Dyed-in-the-wool belief in Communism and human equality. Left her husband to work for the Revolution. First woman ambassador. First woman to be a top-level government official anywhere, let alone in Russia. Advocated social and economic equality of the sexes and free love. ♥ ♥ ♥ No, seriously, I think I'm in dead-person love. Read this. I think it is trufax the most idealistic thing I have ever read.

Do you ever think history went wrong somewhere? Like, there's an alternate universe where the major world powers got their shit together and world peace is the norm and the environment is not sliding down into total ruin? And what we've got now is some sort of aberration? Where do you think things changed? When?

Unrelated: This, you should read this.

Comments

[josephwaldman.livejournal.com]

Oy, Kollontai . . .

I believe she's the one who got into an argument with Lenin over free love. Sex, she said, was like a glass of water that she drank from when she felt thirsty. True enough, replied Lenin, but who wants to drink from a glass of dirty water?

Not exactly Churchill-quality, but still pretty good for a guy who didn't speak English.

World history goes wrong all the time. But you can't do anything about it, frustrating as that may be. I can't go back and save Lincoln, or prevent Henry Wallace getting dumped from the Democratic ticket in 1944, or whatever. I used to write history papers as though it was possible. Now I've wised up.

To mark the Fourth I had a huge meal of French toast (sorry, freedom toast) and a TV dinner. Now I must go use the john. Very, very American.

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

Meh. Cute, but the thing about the glass of water was a myth.

I like this story she told in her book: In the first days of the Revolution, some party members had commissioned a peasant's horse, and never gave the horse back or paid him back. After seveal years, he'd gone to all the ministry buildings and asked for recompense, but since he had no receipt, nobody believed him. Eventually, he went to Lenin himself and asked about his horse, and Lenin gave him a little signed note saying, "Pay this guy X rubles for his horse." He went back to all the ministry buildings, but still nobody believed that it was Lenin's signature. He finally went to Kollontai, who had just been assigned to the office of Peoples' Commissar that day. Her first act as Peoples' Commissar was to compensate the peasant for his horse.

[josephwaldman.livejournal.com]

It may have been, but some of the best historical anecdotes never actually happened. So I keep using it (them).

The early Bolsheviks never really did it for me. A bunch of purely theoretical babblemouths. Lenin sort of got somewhere but he was still a guy who thought he could run everything from a cloistered office in the Kremlin. It was only when Stalin got his grubby hands on some real power that things started to change in Russia, for better as well as for worse.

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

Buuuuuut it's not even that good of an anecdote.

I'm reading up on Bolshevism on Wikipedia. The whole centralized bureaucracy part does sound dull, although the idea of professional revolutionaries is oddly intriguing.

[josephwaldman.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but if you're standing at a podium and you have an audience it'll get a laugh. Or it had better, anyway.

Good ol', bad ol', Wikipedia. It's more addictive than almost any site I can think of, but it's like junk food for the mind. Two of my favorite Onion pieces of recent memory:

"Wikipedia Celebrates 750 Years Of American Independence (Founding Fathers, Patriots, Mr. T. Honored)" (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/50902)

"Hard To Tell If Wikipedia Entry On Dada Has Been Vandalized Or Not" (http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/hard_to_tell_if_wikipedia)

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

:/ It just makes me imagine a big, strong army of Communist men slowly dehydrating, their shriveled hands unable to pull up turnips, draft manifestos, or turn lathes. And that inexplicably fills me with glee.

I may be a bit drunk already, or I wouldn't be thinking in metaphors.

Maaaaaaaaan, the current Wiki article on Dada is not nearly as interesting. TIME FOR WEBARTS!!!

[josephwaldman.livejournal.com]

A sexy image, no doubt. (The Communist hunks, as well as the mental picture of you sitting there drunk and typing away with glee.)

I don't want to give any of it up but I'm feeling generous, so here: have some of my French toast.

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

A sexy image, no doubt. (The Communist hunks, as well as the mental picture of you sitting there drunk and typing away with glee.)
Not really, but, uh, thanks? I guess? Or something. :/ I'm actually trying to write Cold War era gay guro porn while I wait for drworm to wake up.

FUCK YEAH FRENCH TOAST. I'm going to make hot and sour ramen now.

[josephwaldman.livejournal.com]

Oh, come on. What's hotter than a gal drinking girly drinks while she blobs out on the Internet?

I've been on a huge French toast kick recently. Don't know why.

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

It's actually straight vodka with a black coffee chaser. HELL YEAH. (The coffee is Starbucks coffee. That may be more gender-neutral elitist than girly, although political rhetoric along those lines has subtle-yet-unmistakable gender coding that is worrisome yet unsurprising.) I also smell terrible. I'm not really sure why that's hot. I can send you some of the gay guro porn if you want something sexy.

I made pancakes yesterday after we watched Pulp Fiction. That movie always makes me want breakfast.

[josephwaldman.livejournal.com]

I'm ashamed to admit it, but I never got all the way through Pulp Fiction. I got immensely bored right around the time Christopher Walken showed up and shut it off and I've never bothered to rent it again and finish it.

Vodka and coffee liqueur are excellent together, and vodka for breakfast is pretty good, so I guess vodka and regular coffee work, too.

If you're looking for really good coffee, get some at White Castle sometime. That sounds like a joke but it's true. They've always been known for their excellent brew. Not just the grind mix they sell, but even the stuff that's on the menu.

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

The "Gold Watch" segment is the most boring part in the movie, but it's worth sitting through once you get to the interesting part. You'll know the interesting part when it comes on.

We don't have a White Castle here. We have four coffeehouses, though. \o/

[josephwaldman.livejournal.com]

Unless it involves Uma Thurman topless, I have my doubts.

No White Castle? Not even within driving distance out of town? Oh, well, coffeehouses are okay. Coffee is almost as good as White Castle for keeping your intestines moving.

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

It involves Bruce Willis fucking up shit with a samurai sword!!!!!

I don't have a car for driving to White Castle. I don't even know if there's one out of town. Anyway, we have something called Culver's, which advertises "Butterburgers" and which looks disgusting.

[josephwaldman.livejournal.com]

My sister has a particular affection for this chain called "Fatburger", which sounds disgusting.

Willis was in that movie? Jesus. How many stars did it have?

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

Many, many stars. I did not bother to count them.

And a watch up the ass.

[josephwaldman.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, the watch up the ass. I remember hearing about that. The human ass, such a good hiding spot. For timepieces, cocaine, gerbils, whatever.

[josephwaldman.livejournal.com]

Wait . . . you're carless? I thought you got yours fixed. Or replaced.

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

No, I had to sell it for scrap because it DIED ;____________;

[josephwaldman.livejournal.com]

Oy. Shudda smashed the hell out of it first. "Stupid car! Evil machinery! I am Rachel-Lugash!"

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

But then I wouldn't have been able to sell it :( Anyway, it was a good car, it wasn't its fault it died.

[josephwaldman.livejournal.com]

But you were selling it for scrap.

Doesn't matter if it was a good car and if you were totally in love with it. When all else fails, blame the machinery.

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

But the guy didn't want a smashed-up car, he wanted a decent-looking car that happened to have its engine dead. And TBH it was in fact my fault for not replacing the timer belt.

[josephwaldman.livejournal.com]

Just like a woman . . . wait, what am I saying? I wouldn't have any idea how to replace a timer belt either. In fact I'd never even heard of a timer belt until you wrote it just now. I can't do anything to a car more advanced than fueling up and driving a stick shift. Can't even change a tire.

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

I know how to change a tire. And how to check my oil. \o/ I win.

[josephwaldman.livejournal.com]

I suppose I could if I had to. I mean, the instructions are in the manual that comes with the car. On the other hand, I don't seem to be able to do a lot of stuff that the vast unwashed redneck macho masses of America seem to be able to do with ease. On a third hand, most of them can't do the stuff I can do. On a fourth hand, you, my dear, can't write your name in the snow, nor light a fart in public without fear of ostracism. So there. ;-)

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

On a fifth hand, writing my name in the snow doesn't help me if I get a flat, and if I light a fart in public it will be considered performance art, whereas you stand a good chance of being hauled off to jail. Or getting the insides of your rectum scorched.

My dad can't change a tire either. My mom can. And then she started going out with a guy who could as well. Conclusion: Tire-changing skills are sexually attractive.

[josephwaldman.livejournal.com]

On a sixth hand: performance art has been done (so 80s! I have a Batman/Danny Elfman soundtrack cassette for you). And then we go to seven, and it's lights out.

Me dad was a wimp, too. Tires can be sexually attractive if you know what you're doing with them. The smell of tires is great, sed me masturbatory fantasy up with Mackinac babe Stacey Williams in an SI swimsuit issue interview.

[josephwaldman.livejournal.com]

Oh, wait. I can check my oil. I do know how to use a dipstick (no sexual innuendo implied, nor one with the word "innuendo"). I just can't change my oil.

[hmfeelyat.livejournal.com]

A universe like that, as pretty as it sounds, would be horribly bland.

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

Possibly. A lot of fictional utopias are. Then again, we might get aliens.

[josephwaldman.livejournal.com]

Or, even worse, predators.

[cobaltnine.livejournal.com]

I've been following 'Instruction for...' and loving it. The tone just hit me right.

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

I totally loved the first installment when it came out. I tried to write poetry in the same style. ...in the style of the spores. :O

[cobaltnine.livejournal.com]

It totally unnerved me that I found a rogue mushroom in one of my indoor houseplants this morning.

[josephwaldman.livejournal.com]

I've found very little in the way of Soviet erotica. (Your userpic for this entry is obviously post-Soviet, and not from the USSR.) Which is a shame, because it would be so interesting and a nice turn of events. And if there's something kinky about being tied up and ravished by someone dressed as a Nazi, there damn well better be something equally good about a member of the Cheka.

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

Didn't I show you that episode of the Venture Brothers?

I've heard that Soviet pop culture has been proliferating since 2005 or so; there are shows about courageous Cold War Soviet agents, etc. There's got to be some historically themed porn out there as well.

[josephwaldman.livejournal.com]

I don't think you did.

Mmm . . . cold as ice.

Dasvidaniya!

And of course there's much to be sed of Siberian nipples.

[hronop-i-fam.livejournal.com]

"dO svidaniya" =)
Soviet pop culture still lives because people who was born in USSR are still alive. But. Don't you know famous words: "There are NO any SEX in Soviet Union". So, any psevdosoviet porn is surely foreign.

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

\o/ pop culture! What kind of stuff? TV shows? Movies? Pop singles?
I know there's a small American hipster market for pseudo-Soviet kitsch as well, like this shirt (http://threadless.com/product/383/The_Communist_Party).

Aw, no any sex? :( (Not filmed, anyway...)

[hronop-i-fam.livejournal.com]

Of cource movies and music, I like soviet movies like "Ironiya sudby", "Karnavalnaja noch" or "Slujebnyj roman", and these films are still well-known even if you'll notice a fact that "Ironiya sudby" is almost 30 years old and "Karnavalnaja noch" is almost 50 years... About TV shows: lol, "Goodnight children" with Piggy and Stepashka are still go on (35 years old) =))))))

Thank you for the pictures!! =) (I am sure that my communist-boyfriend will like it =))

Yeah, no sex in films, no sex in books... nowere... =( I can't imagine how I was made... two popular tales for children: "You was finded in cabbage" and "You was brought by the stork", which version do you like most? Hahaha =)))

[benprime.livejournal.com]

The second thing that i should read this? I read it. I read two Instructions for.. first, then, being impatient, I read the thing. It was magnificent, especially in stylistic and typographic juxtaposition with Instructions for.. Thank you for drawing my attention to it. The thing, I think, which affected me the most, was that at the end of it I didn't know whether _either_ side was better. Saying more than that here will spoil it for others, but it provokes the thoughts all right.

The first thing that I should read this? I have not yet.. but from your description she sounds impossible to be true. And yet, neither the soviets nor the anti-soviets would make up a character like her to be a ranking member of the Party. Somehow her existence would be (and perhaps was) an embarassment to _both_ sides... although that was because both sides were patriarchal/conventional and did not differ as much as some would claim. (wait.. two things to read, both with two 'sides', one Red and vaguely alien, one american. not _entirely_ unrelated, hm?) I will read the first thing now, and make coffee. Thank you.

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

I kept switching allegiances all through the longer article! I think it's one of the only genuinely morally ambiguous invasion stories I've ever read.

Kollontai certainly had her share of enemies, and fell out of favor with the party after a decade or so; she was spared execution or Siberia because, as she put it, the party officials remembered her early days of service and understood that her ideological differences with the party were in good faith, and not an attempt at sabotage. She also wrote about how most of the (male) Communist officials tried to blow off her concerns or divert her specifically feminist work to more conventional activities, very similar to what I've read about feminist radicals in the 1960s...except the feminist war protestors and Black Panthers didn't go on to take over America.

not _entirely_ unrelated
Oooooh, you have an interesting point. (Reminds me of the old days of SF when invasion stories were coded narratives about Communism...of course, the template for invasion stories was created then, and all other stories bear echoes of those fears.)

[benprime.livejournal.com]

"very similar to what I've read about feminist radicals in the 1960s"

yes indeed. In both cases feminism seems to have been considered 'useful' when its energy happened to coincide with the male (mainstream-alternative?!) causes, and was sidetracked otherwise. The parallels are pretty interesting. No less now than then. (this, of course, is the first I remember hearing about the presence of feminism in Soviet Russia.)

[benprime.livejournal.com]

post script: "that everything is subject to change and that no customs, political organisations or moral principles are fixed and inviolable" says Kollontai. I find it grimly amusing that her insightful statement seems to have turned out to be true for her own movement too.

[hronop-i-fam.livejournal.com]

Havin' a lot of fun readin'comments XDDDDDDDDD
especially about "vodka for breakfast"!!!!!!! hahahahaha, and they say that Americans are SO incredible in fighting for the sobriety, and Russians are SO great drunkhards! NEVER drink vodka for breakfast if you wanna have healthy children... just a kind advise and IMHO.

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

I haven't yet stooped to putting vodka on my cornflakes, although I'm sure it's only a matter of time :)
Yeah, Americans had to suffer through Prohibition, although most of the nation was brewing their own liquor or getting it illegally. It's usually just a small, vocal group of people who are very vocal about banning alcohol or drugs; the rest of us are drinking and smoking pot like there's no tomorrow. We just pretend not to. It's all very silly.

[hronop-i-fam.livejournal.com]

What a pity... you've distruct my Ideals =))) seriously - it is perfect that you are not so "AnOtHeR" =) not an angel =) just a human like our people.

[hronop-i-fam.livejournal.com]

PS: everytime I read the head of post it makes me laugh when I imagine an old woman in the cage =)