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there's life underground
Jan. 27th, 2005 01:17 pmWhat's today? Oh, nothing special.
I woke up late again today because Ashley decided to do battle with the dire centipedes that live in the walls last night while I was sleeping. She used her plasma gun on the poor things and accidentally torched my alarm clock. It's no fun rooming with a mecha-warrior, I tell you that. (It is useful when you want to open a can of generic Spaghetti-Os, though--the girl's got a can opener on her bionic hand. When she lets me use it. "Eew, I don't want to crust up my mechanisms with your tomato sauce!" I tell you what, she gets worse things than tomato sauce on that hand. That vibrating finger in the middle ain't for cleaning her earwax out.)
So I was almost late for Bio. Luckily I made it in five seconds before the bell rang, otherwise Professor West would have had my head, and I mean that literally. He was demonstrating cephalic reattachment today, and picked some jock with a hangover to do it on. He always uses the jocks to experiment on, which is a policy I can totally get behind. Except when I don't--remember how I wrote about last week, when he was demonstrating how a re-animated eyeball doesn't need to interface with the brain's visual center in order to arrange sensory input? Stephanie was so disappointed that he didn't call on her to volunteer her eyeball. But then again, I think she has a crush on him. I think he might kind of like her too, to tell you the truth. After he did the eyeball experiment, he grafted some spider's legs onto it and let it skitter around the room. Stephanie was the only student who wasn't afraid to touch it, so he let her take it home with her.
The experiment didn't work today. Apparently the jock had too much alcohol in his bloodstream for the re-agent to work, and his brain just...oozed out his ears. It was gross. Gray stuff all over the tabletop. The prof thought it was freaking hilarious, of course, and took the opportunity to give us a lecture on how drinking kills valuable brain cells. (For zombie food.)
I had a few minutes between classes, so I stopped into the cafeteria to get some sushi. Guess what, mine was still wriggling. Again. They make crappy sushi here, and it's fucking expensive. I don't care if they import it from R'Leyeh, Cthulhu rolls shouldn't be ten times more expensive than normal California rolls.
Next class was Temporal Displacement with Professor "Call Me Doc!!!!!" Brown. I really thought I'd like the class when I signed up for it, but the prof is...an idiot, I swear. He made us write an essay on how to avoid the Grandfather Paradox, when the open-linear temporal model it's based on has been disproven since, like, 1963. I tried to ask him about parallel universes, but he just stared at me and started talking about how he'd invented a machine that would extract sunlight from cucumbers.
I can't wait until the second half of the semester--we get practical experience in the field, and I've heard that one of the professors looks a lot like Keanu Reeves and plays guitar, yowza. I promised Lew that if they let us travel back far enough, I'd try to catch him a pet dinosaur. I don't know if his new boyfriend would let him keep it, though--if I got a carnivorous one for him, it might eat all his rat slaves. (Or maybe that was his last boyfriend who had the rat army, I don't know. Who's he dating now? I can't keep track.)
I had a half hour before Musical Resurrection, so I stopped in the quad to have a quick practice duel with Casey and his roommate Jim. Casey's not too much of a challenge; I got him with a few Magic Missiles. Jim's another thing, though; he keeps getting new tattoos for battles, and not just of normal things like fireballs and cobras. He got a freaking dragon today, and it almost toasted me. I think I got a few good swipes at it with Scorching Ray, though. Hah, Jim's gonna have some ink missing when he finally gets it back onto his skin.
Anyway, Musical Resurrection was fun. Professor McCullough managed to get John Lennon in the spirit circle again. I was pretty happy about that; Lennon's a lot of fun to talk to. He gave a little speech on how "I Am The Walrus" was actually a very long logic problem in the tradition of Lewis Carroll, then offered everyone acid. It was a lot better than when we got Roger Waters and he talked about his mom for fifty solid minutes. (I still remember the time we got McCartney. That was a surprise. He really is dead. Whodathunkit?)
I hung around in the park for a while after class and chased squirrels. I got one to swear at me, which was funny because squirrels are very genteel most of the time. The worst they ever say is "Darn" or "Heck." Of course, then they start catapulting acorns at you, but I've gotten used to the squirrel warfare. Anyway, they usually target the crows. They used to not be able to hit the crows, but ever since Central started offering free 100-level classes to resident campus animals, some of them have gotten engineering degrees and figured out how to use rubber bands and springs. There were dead crows all over the place until some dumb sorority decided to have a fundraiser and supply the birds with Plexiglass shields. Now the acorns just bounce off onto your head. I can't wait until the squirrels discover napalm.
Oh, I got an interesting E-mail today. It was from Tammy. I hadn't heard from her ever since she left to be a Wiccan missionary in the Discworld. She told me that she'd gotten "sidetracked" in Ankh-Morpork for a while (I think that's supposed to mean "got mugged in the Shades and/or arrested by Commander Vimes"), but then she'd gotten up to Lancre...I could have told her that trying to proselytize in Lancre was a mistake, but when she left I still hadn't quite forgiven her for turning me into a toad and keeping me in a cage in her room for a week. Honestly, would you have? I had to eat flies. Yuck, I still haven't gotten the taste of compound eyes out of my mouth. Anyway, she says she roamed around the Ramtops for a while, almost got burned at the stake a few times until she learned how to fix scales to make it seem like she was heavier than a duck (no, she didn't explain, I think it's some kind of weird British-humor-world witch trial), and then hitched a ride back to Earth with a spaceship flown by a guy who had two heads. She said it made her very uncomfortable because one head was always trying to hit on her while the other was busy.
Anyway, I'm off to play Houses and Humans with the other geeks. I'm pretty excited about tonight--I think my English major character is finally going to level up to sophomore! She needs to get experience points from another open mic reading; the last one was a critical miss, and she actually got booed out of the coffeehouse.
I woke up late again today because Ashley decided to do battle with the dire centipedes that live in the walls last night while I was sleeping. She used her plasma gun on the poor things and accidentally torched my alarm clock. It's no fun rooming with a mecha-warrior, I tell you that. (It is useful when you want to open a can of generic Spaghetti-Os, though--the girl's got a can opener on her bionic hand. When she lets me use it. "Eew, I don't want to crust up my mechanisms with your tomato sauce!" I tell you what, she gets worse things than tomato sauce on that hand. That vibrating finger in the middle ain't for cleaning her earwax out.)
So I was almost late for Bio. Luckily I made it in five seconds before the bell rang, otherwise Professor West would have had my head, and I mean that literally. He was demonstrating cephalic reattachment today, and picked some jock with a hangover to do it on. He always uses the jocks to experiment on, which is a policy I can totally get behind. Except when I don't--remember how I wrote about last week, when he was demonstrating how a re-animated eyeball doesn't need to interface with the brain's visual center in order to arrange sensory input? Stephanie was so disappointed that he didn't call on her to volunteer her eyeball. But then again, I think she has a crush on him. I think he might kind of like her too, to tell you the truth. After he did the eyeball experiment, he grafted some spider's legs onto it and let it skitter around the room. Stephanie was the only student who wasn't afraid to touch it, so he let her take it home with her.
The experiment didn't work today. Apparently the jock had too much alcohol in his bloodstream for the re-agent to work, and his brain just...oozed out his ears. It was gross. Gray stuff all over the tabletop. The prof thought it was freaking hilarious, of course, and took the opportunity to give us a lecture on how drinking kills valuable brain cells. (For zombie food.)
I had a few minutes between classes, so I stopped into the cafeteria to get some sushi. Guess what, mine was still wriggling. Again. They make crappy sushi here, and it's fucking expensive. I don't care if they import it from R'Leyeh, Cthulhu rolls shouldn't be ten times more expensive than normal California rolls.
Next class was Temporal Displacement with Professor "Call Me Doc!!!!!" Brown. I really thought I'd like the class when I signed up for it, but the prof is...an idiot, I swear. He made us write an essay on how to avoid the Grandfather Paradox, when the open-linear temporal model it's based on has been disproven since, like, 1963. I tried to ask him about parallel universes, but he just stared at me and started talking about how he'd invented a machine that would extract sunlight from cucumbers.
I can't wait until the second half of the semester--we get practical experience in the field, and I've heard that one of the professors looks a lot like Keanu Reeves and plays guitar, yowza. I promised Lew that if they let us travel back far enough, I'd try to catch him a pet dinosaur. I don't know if his new boyfriend would let him keep it, though--if I got a carnivorous one for him, it might eat all his rat slaves. (Or maybe that was his last boyfriend who had the rat army, I don't know. Who's he dating now? I can't keep track.)
I had a half hour before Musical Resurrection, so I stopped in the quad to have a quick practice duel with Casey and his roommate Jim. Casey's not too much of a challenge; I got him with a few Magic Missiles. Jim's another thing, though; he keeps getting new tattoos for battles, and not just of normal things like fireballs and cobras. He got a freaking dragon today, and it almost toasted me. I think I got a few good swipes at it with Scorching Ray, though. Hah, Jim's gonna have some ink missing when he finally gets it back onto his skin.
Anyway, Musical Resurrection was fun. Professor McCullough managed to get John Lennon in the spirit circle again. I was pretty happy about that; Lennon's a lot of fun to talk to. He gave a little speech on how "I Am The Walrus" was actually a very long logic problem in the tradition of Lewis Carroll, then offered everyone acid. It was a lot better than when we got Roger Waters and he talked about his mom for fifty solid minutes. (I still remember the time we got McCartney. That was a surprise. He really is dead. Whodathunkit?)
I hung around in the park for a while after class and chased squirrels. I got one to swear at me, which was funny because squirrels are very genteel most of the time. The worst they ever say is "Darn" or "Heck." Of course, then they start catapulting acorns at you, but I've gotten used to the squirrel warfare. Anyway, they usually target the crows. They used to not be able to hit the crows, but ever since Central started offering free 100-level classes to resident campus animals, some of them have gotten engineering degrees and figured out how to use rubber bands and springs. There were dead crows all over the place until some dumb sorority decided to have a fundraiser and supply the birds with Plexiglass shields. Now the acorns just bounce off onto your head. I can't wait until the squirrels discover napalm.
Oh, I got an interesting E-mail today. It was from Tammy. I hadn't heard from her ever since she left to be a Wiccan missionary in the Discworld. She told me that she'd gotten "sidetracked" in Ankh-Morpork for a while (I think that's supposed to mean "got mugged in the Shades and/or arrested by Commander Vimes"), but then she'd gotten up to Lancre...I could have told her that trying to proselytize in Lancre was a mistake, but when she left I still hadn't quite forgiven her for turning me into a toad and keeping me in a cage in her room for a week. Honestly, would you have? I had to eat flies. Yuck, I still haven't gotten the taste of compound eyes out of my mouth. Anyway, she says she roamed around the Ramtops for a while, almost got burned at the stake a few times until she learned how to fix scales to make it seem like she was heavier than a duck (no, she didn't explain, I think it's some kind of weird British-humor-world witch trial), and then hitched a ride back to Earth with a spaceship flown by a guy who had two heads. She said it made her very uncomfortable because one head was always trying to hit on her while the other was busy.
Anyway, I'm off to play Houses and Humans with the other geeks. I'm pretty excited about tonight--I think my English major character is finally going to level up to sophomore! She needs to get experience points from another open mic reading; the last one was a critical miss, and she actually got booed out of the coffeehouse.
