I think if you want to keep some distance between the narrator and the character, then these two paragraphs are fine. To me, it's a break from the intimacy people expect all the time from their authors. Sometimes this is good, sometimes it isn't. But in this case, it seems to work, although I had to read it four or five times before I wrote this, which may mean I made it work in my own head.

But, I'm assuming your characters don't talk or think like that. I think having distance between the narrator and the characters is fine in some parts of a composition. People need to know details, but they don't need to know everything all the time. And I think by describing the way this adolescent feels a step removed from him would help the storytelling. But a whole story written like that might not be very interesting to me.

You still have room to include the thoughts of the father, and it might be kind of fun to use that at some point. But I don't exactly feel the narration has to be from within this character's head. In this section, you "tell," in another section, maybe you'll "show."

As for the rest of the story, you'll have to show me when you get it all down.