kleenexwoman: A caricature of me looking future-y.  (Default)
Rachel ([personal profile] kleenexwoman) wrote2005-02-13 11:46 pm
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Decided not to quit fanfic. That was kind of melodramatic on my part, and I have a tendency to do that. I've started getting into the phase where I want to impress everyone with how fucked-up and pathetic I am, so please feel free to e-slap me if I start whining. I'm sympathetic to it in everyone else, but I hate myself when I whine, especially since I don't really have anything to whine about. Other people have much worse problems than I do.

I'm going to hold off on the slashes I've got going until some things work out, but I've started a genfic about quantum mechanics and antidepressants. I checked out some QM books from the library--I'm doing actual research now, not just fact-checking. See, I'm picking up some good habits.

I've started doing original fic now, too. Got a lot of "From The Gods" done at the Kaya after Fic Collective met. I do good work there. Must be the chai. Unfortunately, I got a little distracted by an Allen Ginsberg anthology they had there while trying to figure out something about hippies, and that resulted in a meta kind-of fic poem for Valentine's Day. I also posted it to the vanilla comm. Dunno if it'll be deleted there, but it's staying on mine. The thing about being a mod is that you have to censor yourself too, but I made the comm in the first place for three things: two real people, assorted other slashers who I wanted to corrupt, and to showcase my own slashy ramblings. Well, that's four, but back then I kind of counted them as one person, I think. And I am nothing if not a laissez-faire mod. I can't keep people from leaving, but I can passively encourage them to come back (please, please, please).

I've also decided that I'm going to double-major instead of just changing my major. I've got a Nebula to win, after all. And I can stand three more years at Central. I just have to get a scholarship or something. More Fiction Collective, more D&D, more academia. It's my world now.
I do have to get a job, though. I had a few overdues at Video Land, and I'd forgotten to change my phone number from Dad's house to my dorm...and they called Dad. Dammit. So he called and told me that I must get a job by March or else he's going to stop paying for my dorm room. Out on the street for $6. Nice.
I've never had a real job before, and I'm kind of ashamed of that. I'm inexperienced and soft as well as being useless. Granted, I wrote for Stuff and worked for Grandma Debbie a lot, but relatives and freelance don't seem to count. Not for lack of trying, especially during the summer--I rode my bike to every place within five miles that was giving out applications. No calls, and Dad yelled at me for being lazy.
I'm whining now, aren't I?

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