I'm surfing between THE BIG GAME (so the Macho Police don't come arrest me for not doing my patriotic duty to my sex by watching a few seconds of it and thereby killing one or two brain cells), Clerks (which I've been itching to re-watch for about five months now), and season 5 of The Simpsons, which my sister just whined my mother into getting her as an early birthday gift. Ahhh . . . life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And a fat ass to enjoy it with.

Hmm, this might be a good night to give you a ring (or you to ring me). First one to the phone's a, uh, well, they're just the person to make the call.