"The 'Bell". Is that what the hepcats in the know call it? (As opposed to "Ex-Lax on a Shell"?)

Any middle-aged drunk in a polo shirt coming home from a football game who brags about the size of his unit is by definition hung like a Tic-Tac.

Dude! You had girls willing to flash you! So what if you're out of the ransom they want? Give 'em something else! Free hot-sauce packets! Empty taco shells! The baseball cap off your head (don't worry about losing it; any fast-food restaurant worth its sodium has a huge stock of 'em in the back room)!