This is lovely. :) Have you read any Jonathan Lethem?

If the Time Traveler tells you to drink 3 pints of bitter, I'd say obey him.

My favorite bit:
the empire never ended. rome was built a couple of days ago at 1:14 in the afternoon. the reason you didn't notice was because a really stupid time traveler made everything stop for a couple thousand years while he fixed a flat tire. don't stop causality to fix a flat tire. that is just abusing your privileges as a conscious being.