Oh, my dear . . . it's always a toughie when that kind of thing happens. Particularly when it seems like all the right elements are there for something to happen.
But I think you handled it right. When one is shy and has difficulty at times articulating hopes, fears, dreams, aspirations, etc. -- particularly for the here and now; "time for decision to be made," as St. Paul of Westerberg wrote -- one runs the risk of just starting to babble stuff and coming on . . . I was going to write "too strong," but that's not exactly it; more like spilling too much truth and honesty all at once and instead having it turn out potentially false-sounding, or even (most awful of all) desperate, even though it isn't that at all.
You took it slow and careful, though, and that's the best way to do it. Talking to other people, every day and every time, is a matter of diplomacy. (I'm a politics nerd, so trust me on this point, which I have thought about and analyzed for years and years.) Whereas statecraft is macrodiplomacy, interpersonal relationships and social intercourse are microdiplomacy. It's a little bit science, and a little bit art, and even some small bit of the unknown, "magic" or whatever you want to call it (just don't put too much credence in the unknown; only as much as you need to make it all work.)
I'm really going into political-dork land here, but Teddy Roosevelt's vastly overcliched maxim is true in each of its parts: "Speak softly and carry a big stick." In statecraft, that means (1) don't bluster; know the psychology of the opposite party; plan your words carefully; and conserve your energy, and (2) have both guns and butter (i.e., both defense and commerce) to back yourself up. In personal relations for (1) it's all the same thing, and for (2) it's know how to back up what you communicate with both gentle psychological force AND little personal rewards for the other person.
But anyway, backing out of my digression: you handled it all well. And you're still friends with her, which is important. So now you can take what you learned from this -- what to do, and what not to do -- ruminate on it, and try again next when the time is right.
no subject
But I think you handled it right. When one is shy and has difficulty at times articulating hopes, fears, dreams, aspirations, etc. -- particularly for the here and now; "time for decision to be made," as St. Paul of Westerberg wrote -- one runs the risk of just starting to babble stuff and coming on . . . I was going to write "too strong," but that's not exactly it; more like spilling too much truth and honesty all at once and instead having it turn out potentially false-sounding, or even (most awful of all) desperate, even though it isn't that at all.
You took it slow and careful, though, and that's the best way to do it. Talking to other people, every day and every time, is a matter of diplomacy. (I'm a politics nerd, so trust me on this point, which I have thought about and analyzed for years and years.) Whereas statecraft is macrodiplomacy, interpersonal relationships and social intercourse are microdiplomacy. It's a little bit science, and a little bit art, and even some small bit of the unknown, "magic" or whatever you want to call it (just don't put too much credence in the unknown; only as much as you need to make it all work.)
I'm really going into political-dork land here, but Teddy Roosevelt's vastly overcliched maxim is true in each of its parts: "Speak softly and carry a big stick." In statecraft, that means (1) don't bluster; know the psychology of the opposite party; plan your words carefully; and conserve your energy, and (2) have both guns and butter (i.e., both defense and commerce) to back yourself up. In personal relations for (1) it's all the same thing, and for (2) it's know how to back up what you communicate with both gentle psychological force AND little personal rewards for the other person.
But anyway, backing out of my digression: you handled it all well. And you're still friends with her, which is important. So now you can take what you learned from this -- what to do, and what not to do -- ruminate on it, and try again next when the time is right.